Oh Dear...

So lately I have been in a pretty weird mood, Id say for about the last few months. Id say ever since I had mono, Ive been feeling this way. Nearly every day, I feel like doing absolutely nothing. I have no interest whatsoever in doing even the simplist tasks like going to class, going out with friends, sometimes eating, and sometimes I dont even want to get on my computer or watch TV or anything, I will just sit in my room and stare into space, or pick at my guitar for hours on end. It seems like when I have to do these tasks, it is somehow a burden to me, my instict always says to do otherwise, which is nothing. But, I force myself to do stuff every day. I lay in bed nearly every morning (sometimes afternoon) having to talk myself into getting up to start the day.

And there are other things, little things. I havent dated anyone this semester, I havent even tried. I was all about dating last semester and looked for every oppurtunity. Its not that Im not confident anymore, its nothing like that, I just dont feel like it. I dont feel like meeting new people. The other day I was at a restaurant and our waitress was pretty cute, and she seemed extra nice to me. I thought to myself, I could probably pull something off and get a date with her, but eh, I dont feel like it. I cant even get around to making plans with anyone, or returning phone calls, or really doing anything. Everything seems like such a burden for some reason. All of the things I used to be interested in before like drawing, blogging, photography, being creative in general, meeting new people, dating, all that stuff is just boring to me now, is seemingly not worth my time.

Also, I have been extremely tired every day. I thought at first it could be that Im not getting enough sleep, or too much sleep, but no matter how much I get, Im still tired every single day. At any given moment of the day, I could just take a nap, and thats all I want to do, and thats all I think about, how tired I am. I even find myself drifting off in class sometimes. I slept for 40 minutes in a 50 minute class one day. Today, I layed down to take a cat nap before class, and woke up an hour and half later to find out I had slept completely through my class.

I figured that these might be some symptoms of depression. But the thing is, I dont feel sad or anything like that. Im actually pretty positive, Im still the same old Ben when Im hanging out with my friends, I just have no drive or motivation to do anything anymore. So I got online tonight to look at some of the symptoms of depression and sure enough, a good portion of these were there. And as I read on, I came across an article about nervous breakdowns. Here are some syptoms of a nervous breakdown from the article I read:

• Loss of interest in normal daily activities
• Agitation or restlessness
• Persistent crying
• Appetite changes
• Sleep disturbances
• Trouble concentrating and making decisions

I have most of these except for persistent crying. Although, on a couple of occasions I have felt emotional for no reason. While I was driving home for spring break I started to tear up thinking about all of my friends being in Florida while I would be at home. I cried during the movie Bolt. Sometimes I will even see a commercial or some tiny tidbit of something touching and get really emotional. In the past, I rarely cried. Cartoons or commercials dont generally tug at my heart strings.

One article I read linked caffeine to depression. I have been drinking coffee and tea and workout stuff like its my job this semester. In that past I hardly ever had that stuff. Maybe this has sparked it? I dont know, but I think Im going to give it up now after reading that. I also noticed that I feel a whole new sense of renewal when the weather is warm. Maybe its just cabin fever or something.

Man, a nervous breakdown? Just the words sound terrible. What is this, a quarter life crisis?