Ben and Britneys Grand Adventures

Yep, we went on some grand adventures this weekend with lots of driving, lots of laughing, and lots of fun. And Id like to tell you a little bit about what went on. It all started on Friday afternoon, we all left work early, that is, the cemetery guys and I, which was great because I knew I had a long drive ahead of me that night so it gave me some time to get cleaned up and packed for our adventures. So I got home, ate some lunch, showered, got things together, and left around 1pm. I finally got my car back and fixed on Thursday, it only took forever to get it finished, and just in the knick of time for some roadtripping. And of course it was insanely hot on Friday and my air conditioning in my car wasnt quite up to par, so on the way down while I stopped to get some gas I also bought some freon to recharge my air conditioner. And, of course, I had no idea how to do it. So as I was fartin around with it for about 10 minutes, I asked the guy at the pump next to me if he could help. And of course, he didnt know how either. So I said screw it and went on my way.

Two hours later, I arrive at Britneys apartment in West Laffy. I took a little rest and we got everything together and packed up the JEEP. Yes, I said Jeep! If you know me, you know that I love Jeeps. Britneys mom has a really nice 2008 Wrangler and had let us borrow it for the weekend. I cant thank her enough for letting us take it, that was the highlight of my year, just having the privilage of driving it. Anyways, we set off for St. Louis from there.

Well, actually, before getting to St. Louis, we had to stop and visit one of her friends that she had met in Greece. I dont wanna say that we HAD to visit her, lets say that we WANTED to see her, just for the sake of me not getting yelled at by Britney. Anyways, she lived somewhere in central Illinois, Im not really sure where we were though, but the GPS did. So we went to TGIFridays with Melissa and her boyfriend, not sure what his name was, Im bad at remembering names. We'll say it was Dan, just for the sake of the story, he looked like a Dan. It was a pretty good time though, Melissa and Britney just gabbed the whole time so that kept us boys entertained. After a little while there, we hit the road again, straight for St. Louis.

A couple hours laters, we see the big arch! St. Louis was absolutely beautiful at night, the sky was clear and the moon was out, and there were big spotlights on the arch, it was great. Well, from what I could see in the 5 seconds I got to look because I was driving in heavy city traffic. It was great....for a while, until we ran into some construction that our GPS didnt know how to get around, and we got lost. Im not really sure why we got off the big highways, but I think that was the wrong thing to do. Oh yeah I remember why, I thought there was a detour so I was following a car that I thought would take us around the construction....but didnt. This place that we were stuck in was shady. I saw one white person the whole time we were in that neighborhood. I mean, I dont have anything againt black people, but when your from a small town like I am, this place is pretty scary. That turned my mood quickly. It was late, about midnight our time, I was cranky, and that place was the last place I wanted to be at that time. This is the time that Britney had discovered that I had inherited my fathers temper. Luckily she was the calm one the entire time. So we stopped at a gas station, of course I didnt want to but she made me, and asked for directions. I swear the directions just took us into deeper and darker places. So we just punched in the Fridays that we had eaten at into the GPS and got the heck out of there. We wound up back onto the road we had entered the city in, turned around, and found a bunch of detour signs that we had missed the first time. Whew! We finally made it to our hotel around 1:30am I think. We were both terribly exhausted.

The next morning, Saturday morning, I had discovered how nice our hotel room really was. I couldnt tell you what floor we were on, but it was up there! And we had a king sized bed, there wasnt a position I couldnt lay and have a limb hang over the edge, I think it was bigger than a dorm room! And the best part was, it was all free! And included a free breakfast!! We were in St. Louis to visit a chiropractic school that she is thinking about attending after Purdue, like a Day on Campus sort of thing, and the school payed for the hotel room.

So after our delicous free breakfast, we headed for the school. It was pretty nice, and they had a lot of credentials and impressive statistics, but ill say that the day on campus thing was pretty boring. Just a lot of people talking about how great the school is. But, there was a lot of free food. AND.......I got to see a dead body. During one of the tours, they took us to a lab where they have a bunch of cadavers, probably 30 or so, laying on metal tables, covered in plastic, waiting to be disected. They told us ahead of time that we dont have to go look, but of course I wanted to. So they pulled back the plastic on one, and there he was, cut open down the center of his back. The doc showed us some muscles and nerves and stuff. The entire time I was thinking about two things. First, my mind kept saying "so this is what lies beneath my feet at the cemetery." And second, "Those muscles sort of look like dark meat turkey." MMmmmm, turkey.

After our little campus visit that lasted most of the morning and part of the afternoon, we got back in the Jeep and headed for good ol' grampa Toms house. He lives about two hours from there, so we thought we'd make a visit while we were in the neighborhood. Once we got there, I gave her a tour of the town, we took some pictures of the huge energy windmill thingy, and then headed to nowhere else but the Cardinal Inn, my grampas favorite restaurant on the face of this planet. After conversing with anyone and everyone, we had decided that we wanted to go the bus derby that night at the county fair. If you dont know what a bus derby is, Ive run into some people who dont, its where people get old schoolbusses and wreck them into each other and the last one standing is the winner. Its the best thing ever. There was a lot of steam and fire and crunched up busses. While at the derby, we ran into a little bit of a thunderstorm. Luckily we were under a roofed stands, but man that wind and rain and lightning was nuts! After the storm passes, we watched a boring round of bus derbyness, it wasnt exciting because the rain had made so much mud that the busses kept getting stuck. So, we left after that. Went back to grandpas and went to bed.

The next morningSunday morning we got up, went to the Cardnal Inn for some breakfast, and decided to do some riding! That is, motorcycle riding. My grandpa has a couple of bikes so he lent me and Britney one for the day. We rode with my grandpa and a couple of his old retired buddies. I think we went about 80 miles that afternoon, down some back roads and some really nice places near the Illinois river, and I think we were running parallel to the Mississippi River for a while. I enjoyed it, and Im sure Britney did as well. She made a good addition to the bike. After riding, we loaded up the Jeep again, said our goodbyes, and heads back east for lots of driving, LOTS of driving. I was so freakin tired the whole way home, Britney drove probably most of the way back while I was in and out of conciousness. We got back to West Laffy, and after a long goodbye, we parted and I headed back to Bremen. I got back about 10:30pm. Whew, what a weekend.

It was great being able to visit my grandpa and especially nice to spend some time with Brit. Its amazing what you learn about someone by spending every waking moment with them, especially on car rides. She learned that I can have a bit of temper when I am cranky and lost, and I learned that she likes to change the radio station a lot haha. I kept my mouth shut until now, but once she reads this Im gonna get it. But all in all, it was a great weekend. Sorry for the long post, its hard to fit three days into a single paragraph.

God is Closer than You Think

So I was rummaging through some of Todds books this afternoon, through his grand library/dining room, I was looking for a book that I had read last summer, 'Blue Like Jazz,' and I came across this book, 'God is Closer than You Think.' It was pretty intriguing because it didnt have any pictures or a fancy cover page or anything, just a bare hard back cover with 'God is Closer than You Think' written on the spine. I couldnt stop thinking about it for the rest of the day, I felt like it was calling me, "Ben, read me.......READ ME!" So I finally got a little bit of time tonight and I wasnt 5 pages into it when I read this:


"How lonely life is! Oh, we can get by in life with a God who does not speak. Many at least think they do so. But it is not much of a life, and it is certianly not the life God intends for us or the abundance of life Jesus came to make available."


Reading continues.....

Whats so different?

This summer has been kind of weird for me so far. When I moved back to Bremen I thought I would have a great time like I did last summer, but somehow things are different, and I cant figure out what. I was so happy last summer, so content with everything going on around me, I felt like I had so many options and unlimited freedom, every day was an adventure for me. But this summer, I just want every day to be over with, and I dont notice the little things anymore. The little things that made me so happy last summer dont have the same effect anymore. Take biking for example, that was such an adventure everytime I went out into the countryside to explore and breathe in the fresh air and feel the wind, but now I bike every day to work and those things arent quite as invigorating anymore. Its just a mode of transportation now. I dont see beauty in life anymore. I feel like I am just waiting for something, trying to get through each day as soon as possible instead of enjoying each passing moment. All that life had to offer me a year ago has seemed to fade away and now Im stuck in this monotonous rhythem of week and weekend, week and weekend. Wheres the adventure gone? Whats so different? Is it because I have a job that I am forced to go to from 7-4 every day? Thats a pretty big chunk of my day, and when the work day ends, I just feel exhausted and dont want to do anything the rest of the night. And all I do is worry now. Im forever worried about my car and what to do about that, worried about what Im going to do this weekend, or next month, or next year, or years from now. Im worried about what people think of me now. I dont have the same carefree 'go with the flow' attitude that I used to. And I hate it. I was happy then. Where did I change?

New Website

I have some exciting news. Britney had sent me a link to a website that lets you create your own page for your business or for photography or whatever, called wix.com. So I am currently in the process of making my own page for my art and photography, and not only will it be for people to view my stuff, Ill have some contact info on there to hopefully get some buyers and some photography clients. This is gettin serious now! Now I have hopes that when I graduate from college next year I will already be established and have some experience of independent work under my belt.

Actually, I even got yet another photography job for this fall. I got an email from a girl that I went to high school with but who I dont really know asking if I would like to do her engagement pictures for her. I told her straight up that I would love to do them but I dont really have a lot of experience. She said thats fine because she has seen the stuff Ive done already and loves them. And Ive got plenty of time to plan it out and get some things figured out like pricing beforehand but hopefully I can get this website done soon so I can start to market my stuff.

The only problem I have for now is that my stupid computer doesnt seem to be allowing me to create this website, the darn think cant handle the feature. So I think Ill have to use Trents computer or something. But, as you can imaging, its gonna look amazing! Out.

wtf

I am SOOO pissed off right now. So I took my car in last night to get worked on and the guy calls me this morning saying "Well, I thought you needed the front wheel bearing replaced instead of the rear, there is a lot more involved with that so we are going to have to charge you more." I was a little upset but cooperative because it came out to be about $240, which is what I was expecting to pay. Then he calls me at lunch and says "well the bearing wore down the wheel hub assembly so that needs replaced or else it will ruin the new bearing." I couldnt believe it. The bill is now up to $420. How could a $90 job turn into $420? Its a good thing that car isnt in my driveway now because I would literally just set it on fire. Im searching online now for a cheaper hub, but its still gonna be about $100 for one, he was gonna charge me $170. I hate this freakin car! I will never buy a BMW again.....ever.

ooooOOOOOooooo!!

Well, I have a little bit of time to kill today since we left from work at 10 this morning because of rain. So Ill take this time to tell some stories from the cemetery....some HAUNTING stories.

The guys there have told me a couple of stories, they say that things happen all the time but they cant remember every single event. Theyve worked there for like 30 yrs, so their stories have been piling up. They said that they hear their names being yelled while they're mowing all the time, and when they turn to see who it is, there is no one there. There were haunted flowers one time. They threw a set of flowers away at a gravestone one time, and the next day, the exact same flowers were there again. So they threw those away, then they were back. This happened for about a month. They even took the flowers to the dump, a few miles away. Trent told me that one time everyone was sitting around in the garage just talking and the chain lift, the one attached to the roof joists to lift the mowers, fell from the ceiling and landed on one of the mowers. Trent said he has no idea how that happened since it was chained to a joist. I hear things cluttering around in the other garage all the time, sometimes its from the wind, but other times the door is shut and cant explain the sounds.

Here are some stories that I have since I have been working there. Once while I was trimming in the old section, I smelled perfume like there was a 90 year old woman standing right in front of me. I stopped trimming to see who was around, to see if any old women were anywhere in the cemetery, and there wasnt a single person around. I only smelled it for about a second, so I tried to see if there was a trail and sniffed all around the grave I was trimming, and found nothing else. Then a couple of days later, I was once again in the old section just trimming my life away when I saw Troy walk up to me, right behind my right shoulder. I figured it was time for break or something so I turned around to say something to him and there was no one there. Troy was on the other side of the section. That really freaked me out because I clearly saw someone walking from a distance right up beside me and slightly behind. Sometimes Ill see movement in the cemetery and Ill turn around and it will be those small American flags on Veterans' graves, but it wasnt this time. I really dont like trimming the old section, Im completely fine everwhere else, but once we start on those last two sections, I feel really really uncomfortable and I dont know why. Im not thinking about hauntings or anything, I just feel uncomfortable. And I saw two snakes yesterday in those sections, I hate snakes.

So there you go.

Cemetery Days

I work at a cemetery this summer, and I love it! I know that its kind of a weird place to work and it kind of catches people off guard when I tell them where I work, but I think its a great job. I mostly just trim around the gravestones, but we do have to pull up sod and dig graves too. Oh, and the common misconception is that we dig the graves by hand, you wouldnt believe the number of people that think that, but we dont. We use a backhoe. It makes things much easier and quicker.
I also like the people I work with too, thats what makes the job fun. Steve is the head sexton there at the cemetery, and hes hilarious. Hes a great boss too, hes a pretty relaxed guy so hes not always on our case to rush around and get things done, but its not like there is much to do anyways. But it makes it easier to follow his orders when he does really need something done. George is the assistant sexton. Hes a character, I dont think I have gone a single day without telling someone somthing about him. Hes a different guy, kind of a nerd, and he tells some pretty crazy stories. Russell, hes probably my favorite. Hes the old guy, I think hes 74 or 75 years old. Just the things hes says sometimes, just have to make me laugh. He always guesses the weather wrong, every single day. He refused to buy a Ford truck, only ever owned Chevys. Hes fun to tease because Ill say something to him or about him and he wont even hear me, or Ill blame things on him and he'll put up a strong defense. And he loves to smoke and drink Mt. Dew. Hes just a typical, confused old guy. And then theres Troy, my fellow trimmer. The other three guys mow, and me and Troy trim. Hes a couple years younger than me and worked there last summer so hes been showing me how to do things.

Ive already had some experiences there, some hauntings, some funny stories, and just random stuff. Heres my day usually goes: We work from 7am-4pm, Mon.-Fri, unless its raining, then we dont have to go in. From 7-9, we usually dont do much, sit around and drink coffee, I usually catch a little nap in there, or sometimes we will dig a grave or trim a little if we're behind. From 9-9:30 is our first break. Me and Troy usually go to Burger King or Mrs. Ts Bakery to grab some brunch, but recently got into the Pancake House. Then from 9:30-10 we will sit around a little longer, or get right to work. Then we work all the way to lunch, noon. We get a one hour lunch break, thats when I go home and watch Full House and enjoy my turkey sandwich. Lunch ends at 1, and we will usually catch up on some more trimming or grave digging/filling that needs to be done. Then our second break is from 2:30-3. Then from 3-4 we will sit around some more and reminise on the day. Great job eh? Next Ill have to tell of some of my haunting experiences. So long.

Boating Adventures, with a Twist

This weekend I went down to West Lafayette to visit Britney and have some adventures with her. My sister let me borrow her car for the weekend so I was actually able to make it there without any worries! And its a convertible so of course I drove the whole weekend with the top down....and of course burnt my face and head from the blazing sun.

On Friday night, Britney and I went and saw a movie, Life in Ruins....or My Life in Ruins.....or something to do with Ruins, it had the same woman from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It was an okay movie, Britney really enjoyed it though because it was all about Greece and she had just seen all the places in the movie from over the past month.

Then on Saturday we went boating with her family. That was a pretty good time but it was kind of on the nippy side most of the day, and the water wasnt much better. I had fun otherwise. We did a little bit of swimming and tubing, not much tubing though because I was kind of afraid of Deans driving style....he liked to make us hurt.....and drive us into packs of geese. Her family is really fun to hang around though, I felt like part of the family the entire time. One moment that is glued into my head about this weekend is sitting at the front of the boat with Britney, she was looking out over the water, looking for driftwood to dodge for the tubers (although she would never tell the driver when she saw some, just say something quietly to me or herself), and she just looked so beatiful with her hair blowing in the wind and her outfit of bikini with shorts and a white sweater jacket thingy set into the green and blue background. It kind of took me aback, and made me smile. I wish I wouldve had my camera, that wouldve been an amazing picture.

Oh and I met her real dad this weekend. He seemed pretty scary to me at first, hes tall and has a really deep voice, and had just woken up from a nap when I met him so he was kind of disoriented and looked aggrivated. But after a while I figured out that hes a pretty nice guy, not too mean I guess....but ill probably still be afraid of him.

And tonight I drove back early because we had a little something going on back home, some big plans. If you havent heard yet, let me be the first to tell you about Abby and Trents engagement proposal.

So Todd and I got to be a part of something really special tonight, we had been helping Trent out with his proposal for a couple of weeks now and tonight was the big night. Heres how it went: Abby and Trent left for Lake Wawasee to get some dinner and stopped by Mary and Jerrys house. Meanwhile, Todd and I were about ten or fifteen minutes behind them. Abby and Trent get to thier house and Jerry offers to let them take the pontoon out on the lake for a spin. So they head out on the lake and come to an area across the lake next to the shore where you can park your boats and its really beautiful and so on and so forth. After about ten minutes of waiting, Todd and I pull up on a speedboat, all dressed up in black pants, white dress shirt, and black tie. We are thier servers for the night. And as Todd and Trent and I are helping to get dinner ready for him and Abby, Trent sets down a fancy napkin in front of Abby that is embroidered with "Abby, will you marry me?" So he gets down on a knee and asks. She says yes of course, then proceeds to fight back some tears and loses the fight miserably. This, in part, makes me tear up also. But once we got the food on the table, she calmed down a little. Then we all ate dinner, well not together, Todd and I ate on the other side of the boat. Oh and I was also the photographer for the night. I ended up taking nearly 150 pictures of them and the ring and the cups and whatever. Some of them turned out really really good though. Ill put some on my flickr when I get a chance. But yeah, after five and half years of being just boyfriend and girlfriend, they are now an engaged couple. Isnt that special.

Summer Reunion

Last night was fun.

One of my good friends from college is in the area this weekend and he gave me a call the other night to hang out. So after my busy day of not working (rain) and running around doing other things, I called up another friend, Ian, to see if he would like to join our shenanigans for a night. So we went up to Hacienda in South Bend and had some frozen long islands, which I thought were super strong, and conversed for a while. Then we headed to another bar, Corbys was the name I think, and got a pitcher of beer. I could only drink about a half a glass though cause that long island was effecting me too much and I had to drive. It was funny though, there was a ten dollar minimum to use a debit card, and I was the only one to have cash. But all I had were hundreds (I was prepared to buy something for my car but never did), so I paid a $4 pitcher with a $100 bill. I felt rich. And then I forgot to tip her, whoops. Then we went to another bar called The Linebacker up by Notre Dame. Overall it was a pretty fun night and Im glad I got to hang out with my ATO bros.

Now, Im off to West Laffy for a few days to see Brit. We're going boating tomorrow so that should be nice and tiring.

Wedding Photographer?

So since I got my camera for Christmas, Ive been pretty interested in photography. Well, Ive always been interested in photography, but now Im able to actually act on that interest. And with my background in art, I feel that I would be a pretty decent photographer, but its only a hobby for now. I have gone out a couple of times and taken photos with Trent, and then once with Britney, and every once in a while Ill get inspired and go out on my own and see what I can capture. Its a pretty good time. Photoshop is my specialty though, thats where the magic happens.

But tonight I got a phone call from a certain Meghan Phillips with a proposal. Meghan is engaged to Chuff (Chad Huff if you dont know him), who is Todds brother......very confusing I know. But anyways, she asked me tonight if I would like to help Jane take pictures for thier wedding. I was thrilled! Of course I said I would help, this will be great photography experience. I have already taken some pictures for Stacee, just some of her and her family, and Stacee already wants me to take her engagement photos AND wedding photos. So this has gotten me ramped up even more about photography! That would be so much fun to be a professional photographer.

But I have a long ways to go. Ill keep it as a hobby for now, but keep it in the back of my mind as another profession. Man, being an indepentent artist is gonna be great.

Parents Date

Last night was interesting. Britney finally arrived back in the states yesterday, home from Greece. She landed in Philadelphia yesterday at like 3 or 4. I had known for a while that she was coming back this Tuesday so I wanted to surprise her and be there at the airport in Indianapolis waiting for her. So a couple of days ago I talked to her mom and made plans to meet up with them then head over to the airport.

I was going to meet her mom and Dean at the Starbucks by I65 in Lafayette at 6:00pm, and it takes two hours to get there, and I dont like to rush, so I sacrificed a whole $8.25 of hard "labor" and left an hour early from work to get showered and such. So as I was driving down, Britney calls me to tell me she was in Philadelphia waiting for her next flight and during our conversations she asked if I was driving somewhere, and me being the worst liar in history, I say no Im just sitting at the house. She asks why its so windy there, and I change the subject. I think she figured it all out right then.

So I arrive at Starbucks and meet her parents there. Oh by the way, I was terrified the whole drive down because my car has been in horrible shape lately. The wheel bearing is so loud I cant even hear myself think, my dads friend Mike told me a story about a bad wheel bearing on his truck one time, he said the whole wheel flew off driving down the road. And its got like half the power it used to because of.....something else wrong with it, so I can barely even make it up hills. Stupid car. Anyways, once I met up with Kim and Dean, they tell me her flight has been delayed an hour, so we had plenty of time to kill. So we hung out at Starbucks for a while, then went to a super fancy/expensive car wash. Then slowly drive down to Indy. We had time to stop and eat so we went to Ruby Tuesdays and had a nice little meal. Somewhere between our drive down and dinner, Brit calls again and says shes in the plane but there are more delays, I guess something was wrong with the plane, or the pilot was drunk and they had to wait for him to sober up. So we have another couple of hours to kill. So.....we went to the movie theatre across the street. We saw Night at the Museum 2. During the movie, Brit calls again, upset and histerical according to Dean, and says that her flight has been cancelled and theres nothing available until the morning. So she had to stay in a hotel overnight and wait for another flight. Meanwhile, our movie gets done at around 11pm. So we drive back to Lafayette, me and Dean talk about wrestling the whole way, and I begin my drive my two hour drive back to Bremen. I talked to Britney on the phone for about an hour on the way, well, tried to, the cabin of my car was so loud from that bearing I could hardly hear what she was saying. Oh, and I saw an accident on my way home, it looked like a semi driver had fallen asleep and went off the road, I mean he was WAY out there. There were tons of cop cars and ambulances there too.

Anyways, I was pretty tired on the way home and disappointed that I drove all the way down there to see her and didnt get to. I ended up in bed at 2am, then had to get up at 6am for work. Im not really that tired though. So that was my date night with the 'rents last night. All things considered, I still had a good time, I have a good time no matter what happens.

Flickr

Ive got some new pics up.

Check them out here ----->

Or here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/benmiller87/show/with/3174284067/

Most of the pictures are of Stacee, but also include special appearances by her sister Holly, her fiance Steven, and her Mom, Dad, and brother Jimmy. I took all of these pictures and tinkered with them in Photoshop.

There are also a few pictures that Britney sent me from Greece that I had touched up a little. Enjoy!

There is no Fear in Love

John 4:18 says "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

Last night at church we talked about risk and this was one of the quotes that was brought up. Of course John is talking about Gods love, but this got me thinking about Britney and relationships in general.

I have always been terrified of relationships. Even just the first step of starting one. I mean, I have always enjoyed dating, but only up until a certian point. I would much rather play it safe and be single, so thats what I did. I mean, relationships are risky. Here are some of the fears that I have had in the past: I always thought I would lose my freedom. I dont like to be told what to do and when Im around my friends who have girlfriends, it seems like they dont have any decision making abilities anymore, they always have to ask their signifcant other if its ok to do something. It always made me cock my head to the side and think, why would I want to be like that? Another fear, what if I change? Or what if she changes? What if we arent the same people we were so attracted to in the first place? Then what? Or, what happens if I get tired of this person. I have some friends that if I see them too much, I get tired of them, tired of being around them so I need to quit hanging out with them for a while. And sometimes I see people who have been in a long term relationship who just seem bored with each other, like they dont even want to be together, they just are because thats all they know, they dont even consider the possibilty of breaking up because they feel like theyre stuck with each other. I always took these things into consideration when choosing whether or not to continue a relationship with a girl. And most of the time, I chose not to. It wasnt worth the risk. I wasnt worth breaking her heart or getting mine broken. These fears also have always hindered my ability to show emotion or express any sort of love. I have never told a girl that I love her. There was always just too much involved with the word love, too many expectations, too much to live up with no room for failure.

But after hearing that quote "There is no Fear in Love" I realized that my fears have always held me back from love, not the other way around. I always thought that love would hold me back, but it was me that was holding back love.

Like I said before, I have been dating Britney for a couple of months now. I have had a couple of conversations with her before about relationships and told her how I felt. Ive told her about my fears of commitment and relationships. And she has told me about her fears. But last night, I thought I would take the risk. I wrote her a little email (since shes in Greece, its hard to communcate otherwise) and told her what I thought. Heres a little blip from the email:

I have something I want to ask you, and its probably pretty lame that I do over email, but I had a thought tonight. I know, uh oh, Bens thinking again, this cant be good. But I heard a quote tonight, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." That got me thinking about relationships. Like I said, Im terrified to be in a relationship, and that has always hindered my decision to move on with one. And that fear has always held me back from expressing any emotion or thoughts of love. But I want you to know that I do really like you. Youre different from other girls Ive dated. Youre not selfish, you can make me laugh, you are very caring, and youre one of the sweetest girls Ive ever met. Like I said before, its hard for me to find things that I DONT like about you. Im in love with your soft voice, youre girly girl nature with a rugged farmer girl background, your curly hair, and your beautiful BROWN (no matter what you say thats what color they are) eyes. I guess I just want to ask if we should make it official, if you would be my girlfriend. I know Im probably making a huge deal about this, but it is a huge deal to me.

She said that email made her cry, in a good way. She said yes of course. So for now, I guess Ill have to set aside my fears and just go with it.

It has been QUITE a while...

Agreed? Agreed. Once I got out of the habit of blogging every day, it was hard to get back into it. There was so much crap going on that it was hard to find time to blog, then I really didnt even know what to say anymore, since I knew who my readers were. But now that no one reads this anymore, it will be much easier to say what I want haha.

But to start off, heres a little update. Its summertime. Schools out. Ive been back for about a month now, maybe a little less. I got a job at the wonderful Bremen Cemetery for the summer, which I think is great. I mostly trim graves with a weedeater, but sometimes I help dig graves and fill them. I like my job though, I get a good tan, its nice being outside all the time, I dont have to work if its raining, and I get paid decent. And its haunted, but Ill elaborate on that another time.

Ive been dating a girl named Britney for about two months now. I met her at a formal party we had at the beginning of April, shortly after I took my blog break. Shes great, one of the sweetest girls I know. I love being around her, but havent been able to for the past few weeks because she has been in Greece for a study abroad program. But she gets back this Tuesday, so that will be nice. She'll be living in West Lafayette for the summer so Ill only get to see her on weekends, but Im looking forward to hanging out with her this summer.

Really, those are about the only big changes from last time I blogged. I have a lot of time to think at the cemetery while Im trimming, so I will put down some thoughts over the summer. A lot of things about life and death, since death is the business there. There will probably be a lot of cemetery stories this summer, since it consumes the majority of my day. So theres the update :)