There is no Fear in Love

John 4:18 says "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

Last night at church we talked about risk and this was one of the quotes that was brought up. Of course John is talking about Gods love, but this got me thinking about Britney and relationships in general.

I have always been terrified of relationships. Even just the first step of starting one. I mean, I have always enjoyed dating, but only up until a certian point. I would much rather play it safe and be single, so thats what I did. I mean, relationships are risky. Here are some of the fears that I have had in the past: I always thought I would lose my freedom. I dont like to be told what to do and when Im around my friends who have girlfriends, it seems like they dont have any decision making abilities anymore, they always have to ask their signifcant other if its ok to do something. It always made me cock my head to the side and think, why would I want to be like that? Another fear, what if I change? Or what if she changes? What if we arent the same people we were so attracted to in the first place? Then what? Or, what happens if I get tired of this person. I have some friends that if I see them too much, I get tired of them, tired of being around them so I need to quit hanging out with them for a while. And sometimes I see people who have been in a long term relationship who just seem bored with each other, like they dont even want to be together, they just are because thats all they know, they dont even consider the possibilty of breaking up because they feel like theyre stuck with each other. I always took these things into consideration when choosing whether or not to continue a relationship with a girl. And most of the time, I chose not to. It wasnt worth the risk. I wasnt worth breaking her heart or getting mine broken. These fears also have always hindered my ability to show emotion or express any sort of love. I have never told a girl that I love her. There was always just too much involved with the word love, too many expectations, too much to live up with no room for failure.

But after hearing that quote "There is no Fear in Love" I realized that my fears have always held me back from love, not the other way around. I always thought that love would hold me back, but it was me that was holding back love.

Like I said before, I have been dating Britney for a couple of months now. I have had a couple of conversations with her before about relationships and told her how I felt. Ive told her about my fears of commitment and relationships. And she has told me about her fears. But last night, I thought I would take the risk. I wrote her a little email (since shes in Greece, its hard to communcate otherwise) and told her what I thought. Heres a little blip from the email:

I have something I want to ask you, and its probably pretty lame that I do over email, but I had a thought tonight. I know, uh oh, Bens thinking again, this cant be good. But I heard a quote tonight, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." That got me thinking about relationships. Like I said, Im terrified to be in a relationship, and that has always hindered my decision to move on with one. And that fear has always held me back from expressing any emotion or thoughts of love. But I want you to know that I do really like you. Youre different from other girls Ive dated. Youre not selfish, you can make me laugh, you are very caring, and youre one of the sweetest girls Ive ever met. Like I said before, its hard for me to find things that I DONT like about you. Im in love with your soft voice, youre girly girl nature with a rugged farmer girl background, your curly hair, and your beautiful BROWN (no matter what you say thats what color they are) eyes. I guess I just want to ask if we should make it official, if you would be my girlfriend. I know Im probably making a huge deal about this, but it is a huge deal to me.

She said that email made her cry, in a good way. She said yes of course. So for now, I guess Ill have to set aside my fears and just go with it.