Mohawk No More

Its true, tonight I shaved the mohawk off, my head is now buzzed. I was going to wait until the weekend to do it, but I am a very impatient person, so I spontaneously did it tonight. Im already wishing I didnt do it though. I miss the mohawk already and its only been like a half hour. Oh well, itll grow back. I just have to wait a little while. One thing I noticed was how thin my hair is now. Im not looking forward to being bald. One of my fears, losing my hair. Im off to bed.

Welcome to the Gun Show

....the shirt that Im wearing says that.

I am so very bored right now. I hate saying that I am bored because I once heard that if you say that youre bored, thats because youre a boring person. And I dont like to be called a boring person......although, Im slowly realizing that I am part of the time a boring person. So I can currently say that I am bored, because right now I am being boring. I really need to get a life....or a job.

So I woke up at about 10am this morning, which is kind of early for me, but I couldnt sleep any longer because I went to bed at midnight. Yes, thats 10 hours of sleep. Probably unhealthy. I wake up in the morning and all I can do is wait until 3 or 4 o' clock to roll around, because thats when I get to go workout! Lately I have been a workout-aholic. This week alone I have been in the wieght room 3 times and have ridden well over 70 miles on my bike. I just cant get enough. And today I will be in the wieght room once more.

I was thinking about why I feel I have to workout so much. Well for me, Im just trying to gain some weight. I am a skinny turd. I came home at the beginning of the summer wieghing around 135lbs. I am 5'11". Thats skinny. But so far this summer I have gained nearly 15lbs. Fifteen pounds of pure muscle haha. But yes, I did cheat. I bought some protien stuff (Wheybolic 60, with 60g of protien in a serving), and some N.O. Xplode, which Im still not sure what its supposed to do, but I know that it makes me feel invincible while pumping iron. I love watching my body change.....well, for the better. I think thats why I have been hitting the wieght so much harder lately. I have started to notice a change, and now Im addicted to it.

At first I thought that I cared too much about how I look, but now I realize that I am just addicted to change. I cant be in the same spot for too long, I will go crazy. Im at home this summer, which killed me at the beginning of the summer, realizing that I have to spend the whole summer in a familiar place. I think that my life revolves around change. I like to change my hairstyles, my clothing choice, the car I drive, my attitude, my body, Ive changed my major a few times, Im addicted to change. But Im not too sure where this is going to get me. Eventually Ill end up in a place where I cant possibly change anymore. What will happen then? Will I go crazy? I think that eventually I will just mature and settle down. But until then, I have to go take some protein.

Mohawks and such.

Well, today I cut my hair into a mohawk. I think it was kind of a big step for me, I've been wrestling with the idea for a while, just because I had never done it before, and i like to do wierd stuff like that. But on the other hand, I kind of didn't want to do it because first of all I just got a haircut last week (which was a very good haircut if I say so myself), and also I'm kind of worried about what people think of me, which I think is retarded. As much as I hate it, I still worry about what people think about me, BUT I have been working on it lately.

But I do think that too many people worry about their appearance too much. Some people base thier whole lives around the idea. I sort of used to be like that though. Never wanting to change my haircut in fear that I might look silly, wearing only certian types of clothes, wanting to have the tallest Jeep with the loudest exhaust and the biggest tires so people would look at me and say, "Wow, I wish I was him." Some people even go to lengths where they spend thousands of dollars on things they don't even use, like a motorcycle or fancy jewelry or whatnot, just so people think they have money, when they should be spending thier money on more charitable things. Well, I was fed up with trying to look good, you're never happy anyways. Plus, it's selfish. So in the last couple of years, I've been trying to change that, trying to move to a place where I'm stepping out of the norm, trying purposely not to fit in. Trying to look good is too much work and worry. I could easily be a Bremenoid robot like the rest of them and never leave town and try to build a great reputation, but you know what, I'm having so much more fun stepping out of the bubble. Riding my bicycle everywhere when I know the Bremenoids think I lost my liscense from drunk driving, sporting the mohawk when I know people think its childish, growing a long beard when i know I'm scaring people when I walk into a building, I like doing these things, its fun to me.

Now I know Im kind of rambling, and it might not even make any sense, and it probly jumps from one topic to another, so Im sorry about that. Let me just leave you with this, I took this picture when I was in Vermont last week, maybe it will get your mind off of the craziness I just wrote.