Ive had to do a lot of this lately, and I hate it. Asking for help is one thing that I absolutely dread doing.
Since I have been in college, I have become rather independent, or at least Id like to think I have. I try to do things on my own now, I have become quite the problem solver. Before, I relied mostly on my parents for....well just about everything: buying and making me food, doing laundry, paying for school, setting up plans and arranging schedules for certian things, finding jobs, you name it, they probably had a hand in any given decision. But with four years under my belt of relative independence, I have changed quite a bit. I like doing things on my own now, I like making my own decisions. I would rather solve my own problems, with my own approaches.
But sometimes there are things that I cant do by myself, so I have to ask for help, but this is always a last resort for me. This is a fear I have developed and I have no idea how it came to be. I dont know if its a pride issue or what, but I would rather jump off of a bridge (not literall (or if literally, not too high, maybe 6 feet)) than ask someone to help me out. I get knots in my stomach when I have to do this. I just feel like I am hassling someone by asking them to take some time out to resolve an issue that I had brought upon myself. Its my problem, why should someone else being dealing with it? I know if someone asks me for help, although I am usually willing, sometimes I dont really want to help them. And I feel like when I am in need of help, some people dont really want to help me, they just do it because they feel obligated, or maybe even sorry for me. This is why I would much rather resolve an issue on my own.
Lately, I have been pretty broke, for most of this semester I have had very little money. And its no ones fault but my own. And even more recently, a couple of days ago, my car broke down. Broken water pump, fan, serpentine belt, and several other issues, and I have needed help with that. It broke down around midnight on a weekday, while everyone else was asleep. I sat in my car in the freezing and dark for about ten minutes trying to find a way to get out of that situation on my own. I really really really did not want to call anyone and wake them and have them take time out of sleep to pick me up or tow my car. That was treachurous for me. And now, I need help fixing it, I need help getting around, I need help getting back to Purdue, I need help with money to fix it, its pretty overwhelming. My gut gets into knots whenever I need to ask someone if they can do a favor for me.
This fear could apply to so many different areas as well. Being home for spring break this week, as mentioned before, I have to find places to stay. Most of my family and friends say they are willing to let me stay with them, but I still have that fear of asking if its okay. I feel like I am intruding on them, I feel like a nuisance to them. I dont feel right being here in Bremen anymore. Nothing is mine anymore, everything I take is someone elses. Someone elses bed, someone elses food, someones time, someones roof over my head, someones TV Im watching, someones computer I am using to blog on. I just dont feel right taking things from people.
This has developed into an acceptance of gifts as well. Since high school, I dont feel right accepting gifts. Although I am more than willing to give to someone else, I still dont feel right taking from someone, seemingly being in their debt. Its like my life motto is "What mine is yours, and whats yours is yours." I remember telling my mom that she really doesnt have to buy me anything for Christmas anymore, I dont expect anything. And its true. But, with mom being mom, she is great when it comes to giving, and most of the time I feel like I shouldnt accept what she gives me. Especially in these times with the economy, when she gives me money, I feel like she needs it more than me. I dont have any bills to pay or anything, so really what do I need money for? But I know its rude to decline a gift, so I usually accept. And although I am truly thankful, Im not really sure how to express it.
This even hinders my relationship with God. When I am in trouble or struggling with something, I rarely pray about. I just try to work things out on my own, or ignore the issue altogether, which I know I shouldnt do either. If I pray about something, I feel like its a selfish request. Why should God care about my student loans or girl issues or illnesses? Arent there more important issues for God to deal with like world peace or starving children?
Anyways, theres a good long post of rambling.
Showing posts with label Reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reflections. Show all posts
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Im able
I had an epiphany today, one that made me glad to be alive. I had just gotten out of class, walked out of the art building to once again realized it was cold and windy outside as the thought "I hate cold weather" had crept into my head. It was just warm yesterday, warm enough to wear only a tshirt and no jacket, now today it is in the teens.
Then it hit me.
It sounds a little strange, but I thought about how lucky I was to have the opportunity to feel the cold, just the chance to actually feel. Im not talking about thinking of other people who are in warm climates who have never been in freezing temperatures. Im talking about being alive, as in not dead. This isnt the first time Ive thought this. Sometimes while I am hating the cold weather because it makes me uncomfortable, at the same time I embrace the feeling of the bitter cold air on my face, its hard to describe why I do this, Im just happy to be alive I guess, happy to exist, glad that I have gotten the opportunity to be human. Im just trying to embrace the little things. I feel like I wont get these opportunities after I die. Or maybe its just a taste of what Ill get. Not sure.
This is a hard concept to describe. Just imagine that there are things out there, maybe angels or something, that dont have the opportunities that we do. We have certain abilities that we are born with. We are able to build relationships, laugh, cry, hurt, love, breathe oxygen, create, destroy, reason, eat, sleep, wonder, I feel like we are completely free, we have no bounds. It sounds really crazy when I write it down, I probably sound like I am mentally ill or something.
But this feeling makes me forget about the craziness of life, about the things I want or think I need, about problems with school and girls and money, and helps me see the big picture. Im just trying not to let life pass me by without noticing the characteristics of living, of existence in general. God had made the choice for me to exist, or to not exist, why shouldnt I embrace it?
Then it hit me.
It sounds a little strange, but I thought about how lucky I was to have the opportunity to feel the cold, just the chance to actually feel. Im not talking about thinking of other people who are in warm climates who have never been in freezing temperatures. Im talking about being alive, as in not dead. This isnt the first time Ive thought this. Sometimes while I am hating the cold weather because it makes me uncomfortable, at the same time I embrace the feeling of the bitter cold air on my face, its hard to describe why I do this, Im just happy to be alive I guess, happy to exist, glad that I have gotten the opportunity to be human. Im just trying to embrace the little things. I feel like I wont get these opportunities after I die. Or maybe its just a taste of what Ill get. Not sure.
This is a hard concept to describe. Just imagine that there are things out there, maybe angels or something, that dont have the opportunities that we do. We have certain abilities that we are born with. We are able to build relationships, laugh, cry, hurt, love, breathe oxygen, create, destroy, reason, eat, sleep, wonder, I feel like we are completely free, we have no bounds. It sounds really crazy when I write it down, I probably sound like I am mentally ill or something.
But this feeling makes me forget about the craziness of life, about the things I want or think I need, about problems with school and girls and money, and helps me see the big picture. Im just trying not to let life pass me by without noticing the characteristics of living, of existence in general. God had made the choice for me to exist, or to not exist, why shouldnt I embrace it?
Monday, December 8, 2008
Im getting so old
I feel like Im getting old. I turn 22 in March. Twenty-two!! Then shortly after is 23. Which is nearly halfway to 50! Im almost 50 years old! Haha, ok I might be exaggerating a bit.
But seriously, I was thinking about this today, and I really dont want to turn 22. I dread the fact that everyday, I am one day closer to 22. I feel like when I turn 22, Ill have to grow up. But I dont want to grow up. I dont want to have responsibilities. I dont want to act mature. I like being young, making stupid decisions, having fun, dodging the real world. I still cant even believe Im 21 already, I feel like I just graduated from high school. And I dont feel any different from then, I feel like the same person as back then. I certainly dont act any different. Well, according to my dad, I dont act any different than a 5 year old though.
But, a couple of years ago, I had already realized that Im getting older, and I decided that Im not going to grow up.
I may grow old, but I wont grow up.
If you have ever met my grandpa Tom, you would know that he is the perfect example of this. He is, I believe, 68 years old, and he doesnt act much differently than me. He still likes to have fun and be goofy, popping his teeth out, making funny faces, being silly, and just enjoying life.
Alright, Im going to go off on a tangent here. But when I was younger, I used to spend about two or three weeks every summer down at my grandpas house. He lives down in southern Illinois, which is about six hours from my house, so I would only get to see him a couple of times a year. So for probably four of five years, I would live with him for a few weeks each summer. And I think that his personality rubbed off on me a little. I think that part of him had shaped who I am.
He is not a wealthy man. His whole house is about the same size as our kitchen and living room combined. He lives on a dirt road, out in the boonies, with a few old garages and barns around his house, and a bunch of, what he likes to call, "stuff." You may call it junk, but we refer to it as "stuff." His workshop is an old, gutted mobile home. He used to own two or three little Ford Festivas, and loved them terribly. Actually, I still think he has one, a newer one. And he knows every single person in town. And their brother. We would just be driving down the road, he would point to a house, tell me who lives there, who used to live there, who they are related to, where they work, how he knows them, and so on and so forth. He is also a recovered alcohol, and he could probably tell you to the day how long hes been sober. I think its been like twenty some or thirty some years. I have a huge amount of respect for that, that takes a strong will.
In those few years of spending time with my grandpa, I learned a lot, and Im still learning from him. I learned some things like how to drive a stick shift, how to ride a dirt bike, I rode my first motorcycle with him, and a ton of other little things. I distinctly remember him teaching me what a cliche is. I dont know, its one of those tiny memories that stick. But now that Im older and looking back, Im also realizing that Ive learned even more from him that I didnt even know I was being taught, or he even knew he was teaching. Like how to talk to people, strangers, how to treat them like people. Ive learned to not take life so seriously, because the things society thinks are important, really arent that important.
Ive learned how to be young, even when youre old.
But anywho, Im just saying, I dont really think I have to grow up quite yet. My grandpa hasnt, and he seems pretty happy. But I still dont wanna turn 22.
But seriously, I was thinking about this today, and I really dont want to turn 22. I dread the fact that everyday, I am one day closer to 22. I feel like when I turn 22, Ill have to grow up. But I dont want to grow up. I dont want to have responsibilities. I dont want to act mature. I like being young, making stupid decisions, having fun, dodging the real world. I still cant even believe Im 21 already, I feel like I just graduated from high school. And I dont feel any different from then, I feel like the same person as back then. I certainly dont act any different. Well, according to my dad, I dont act any different than a 5 year old though.
But, a couple of years ago, I had already realized that Im getting older, and I decided that Im not going to grow up.
I may grow old, but I wont grow up.
If you have ever met my grandpa Tom, you would know that he is the perfect example of this. He is, I believe, 68 years old, and he doesnt act much differently than me. He still likes to have fun and be goofy, popping his teeth out, making funny faces, being silly, and just enjoying life.
Alright, Im going to go off on a tangent here. But when I was younger, I used to spend about two or three weeks every summer down at my grandpas house. He lives down in southern Illinois, which is about six hours from my house, so I would only get to see him a couple of times a year. So for probably four of five years, I would live with him for a few weeks each summer. And I think that his personality rubbed off on me a little. I think that part of him had shaped who I am.
He is not a wealthy man. His whole house is about the same size as our kitchen and living room combined. He lives on a dirt road, out in the boonies, with a few old garages and barns around his house, and a bunch of, what he likes to call, "stuff." You may call it junk, but we refer to it as "stuff." His workshop is an old, gutted mobile home. He used to own two or three little Ford Festivas, and loved them terribly. Actually, I still think he has one, a newer one. And he knows every single person in town. And their brother. We would just be driving down the road, he would point to a house, tell me who lives there, who used to live there, who they are related to, where they work, how he knows them, and so on and so forth. He is also a recovered alcohol, and he could probably tell you to the day how long hes been sober. I think its been like twenty some or thirty some years. I have a huge amount of respect for that, that takes a strong will.
In those few years of spending time with my grandpa, I learned a lot, and Im still learning from him. I learned some things like how to drive a stick shift, how to ride a dirt bike, I rode my first motorcycle with him, and a ton of other little things. I distinctly remember him teaching me what a cliche is. I dont know, its one of those tiny memories that stick. But now that Im older and looking back, Im also realizing that Ive learned even more from him that I didnt even know I was being taught, or he even knew he was teaching. Like how to talk to people, strangers, how to treat them like people. Ive learned to not take life so seriously, because the things society thinks are important, really arent that important.
Ive learned how to be young, even when youre old.
But anywho, Im just saying, I dont really think I have to grow up quite yet. My grandpa hasnt, and he seems pretty happy. But I still dont wanna turn 22.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Music Pt. III
So a couple of days ago I read Todds post on music, and then Trents post about the subject, and it has also got me thinking. It was a pretty good post about how when he was younger he always took music lessons, like piano lessons, and they would grade him on how well he could follow the sheet music, and how strikingly different it is now that he plays in the worship band and can just create the music as it comes. But the other day we had an impromptu concert at his house with me on the mountain dulcimer, Trent on the guitar, and Todd on the piano. We were just playing basically the same chords, but had no clue where we were going with it, freely playing as we went along. And you know what? It sounded pretty amazing, the concert turned out really well. Todds aunt even sent me an email saying how beautiful our concert was.
But what got me about Todds post was how this applies to our lives. Society has us playing sheet music, telling us exactly how to live our lives with no exceptions. And if we dont succeed on societies way of life, then we fail, just like if you dont play music exactly like its written, you fail. But if you can just create your own music with no boundaries or exceptions, you never know what you can create. It could turn out to be something beautiful, like our impromptu concert.
I was walking to class the other day, just listening to my ipod and dodging cars, when it hit me. No, not a car, a thought. Somewhere in the past couple of years, I have been creating my own music in life. I feel like I have been living an impromptu life. When I graduated high school, I had my whole life planned out. I was going to get a masters degree in mechanical engineering, find a wife in college, buy a brand new Jeep Wrangler after graduation, make $75K a year after college, have 2 children, a pool house, and live the perfect life. My life was just sheet music. But later on, I dont know if it was just common sense that kicked in or what, but I have completely changed my views on life now. I could have reached that goal though. I could have put all of my efforts in for that masters degree and Jeep Wrangler. But now, I am living life as it comes. I am a senior in college now, and I still have no idea what Im going to do or where Im gonna go. And honestly, I dont care. Its actually pretty exciting. Everyday is a blank canvas for me. I can create any scene I would like. Currently, my only set backs are graduation, I would like to graduate college eventually, and student loans, I need to make enough money after graduation to pay those. But other than those two things, I can do whatever I want. I can play whatever chords I feel like playing. Thats what hit me the other day, not a bus, although I have been close a time or two, those drivers just dont care.
But what got me about Todds post was how this applies to our lives. Society has us playing sheet music, telling us exactly how to live our lives with no exceptions. And if we dont succeed on societies way of life, then we fail, just like if you dont play music exactly like its written, you fail. But if you can just create your own music with no boundaries or exceptions, you never know what you can create. It could turn out to be something beautiful, like our impromptu concert.
I was walking to class the other day, just listening to my ipod and dodging cars, when it hit me. No, not a car, a thought. Somewhere in the past couple of years, I have been creating my own music in life. I feel like I have been living an impromptu life. When I graduated high school, I had my whole life planned out. I was going to get a masters degree in mechanical engineering, find a wife in college, buy a brand new Jeep Wrangler after graduation, make $75K a year after college, have 2 children, a pool house, and live the perfect life. My life was just sheet music. But later on, I dont know if it was just common sense that kicked in or what, but I have completely changed my views on life now. I could have reached that goal though. I could have put all of my efforts in for that masters degree and Jeep Wrangler. But now, I am living life as it comes. I am a senior in college now, and I still have no idea what Im going to do or where Im gonna go. And honestly, I dont care. Its actually pretty exciting. Everyday is a blank canvas for me. I can create any scene I would like. Currently, my only set backs are graduation, I would like to graduate college eventually, and student loans, I need to make enough money after graduation to pay those. But other than those two things, I can do whatever I want. I can play whatever chords I feel like playing. Thats what hit me the other day, not a bus, although I have been close a time or two, those drivers just dont care.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Im in a Puddle
I was flipping through some of my older posts just now, and I came across The Puddles of Life. Im really glad I wrote this one down because I seem to be in a puddle these days. It seems that lately, nearly every day, something more goes awry. This week, I havent been feeling very well. I went to work out tonight and nearly threw up, and apparently I lost about 5lbs this week, from what, Im not sure, just being sickly I guess. And that just adds to list of crap that has already happened lately. Im not sure when I entered this puddle, but rereading that post raised my spirits a little. I just need to trudge through this puddle and search for dry land. Im trying to keep my head up, but Im sure theres still some rough waters ahead.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Elections are finally over!
Im pretty disappointed that elections are over, Im really gonna miss all of those campaign commercials! Yeah right. Im pretty pleased with the turn out, I pretty much expected Obama to win, but wouldnt have been torn if McCain won. Obviously, I voted for Obama. Of course, if you know me, I dont like things to stay the same. Im addicted to change, remember.
Im really surprised at the reactions of people after the elections. I got on Facebook because I knew that people would have some things to say, but everyone just went nuts! It was like a war. People saying things like "the world is gonna be run into the ground", "heres to the new socialist republic", and my favorite "F*** Obama....Christian nation my a**, America is full of ignorant people." I left a comment to that guy, I was pretty upset about this comment, I probably shouldnt have but I said, "....and youre an ignorant Christian." As a Christian, I was offended by this comment. How you can be so judgemental to me? I really wish I hadnt made the comment though, because I now realize that I was also being judgemental.
But anyways, we'll see how Obama does with this whole President thing. Im pretty excited to see some things change, but hopefully he does it responsibly and with our best interests in mind.
Im really surprised at the reactions of people after the elections. I got on Facebook because I knew that people would have some things to say, but everyone just went nuts! It was like a war. People saying things like "the world is gonna be run into the ground", "heres to the new socialist republic", and my favorite "F*** Obama....Christian nation my a**, America is full of ignorant people." I left a comment to that guy, I was pretty upset about this comment, I probably shouldnt have but I said, "....and youre an ignorant Christian." As a Christian, I was offended by this comment. How you can be so judgemental to me? I really wish I hadnt made the comment though, because I now realize that I was also being judgemental.
But anyways, we'll see how Obama does with this whole President thing. Im pretty excited to see some things change, but hopefully he does it responsibly and with our best interests in mind.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Eventful Night
So tonight was interesting and full of a variety of emotions. It started a couple of hours before chapter, maybe around 6 or 7pm. My friend Cam, a brother in the house, came up to me and told me that our Housing Director was coming to the house tonight to inform four of us that we are being evicted from the fraternity. This was a little upsetting, but I wasnt going to make a big deal about it since I didnt have all of the facts, and since I was proven innocent by the brothers, I figured I wouldnt be getting evicted also. So after chapter (thats our house meeting every Monday where we do fraternity business), we had a little discussion with Ty, the house director. He came straight out and said that all four of us were getting evicted next semester. Like I said earlier, I was proven innocent by the chapter, so had no punishments according to the brothers due to the fact that it wasnt my alcohol that was found in our room. But, since I knew it was in the room, the housing corporation decided to evict me, which is separate from the fraternity. I was just a tad upset about this, and told Ty what I thought. The whole thing was sketchy to begin with, it seemed like they were targeting certain people, mainly the people I pledged with. So I told him how shady everthing seemed, told him we deserved a second chance, and told him that because of this about a quarter of the house might be quitting.
So after our conversation, I was walking upstairs to my room when about three or four guys stopped me and asked about our conversation. I explained, and they were also upset with the decision. So they gathered as many guys as they could, and headed to the kitchen to have a huge discussion with Ty. This was pretty amazing. There were about 25 or 30 guys in there defending us four, we all told Ty how we disapproved of him, the corporation, and the Board of Trustees, telling him that they are more concerned with punishing us than helping us, which in turn is hurting the house. This whole conversation went on for a couple of hours, just Ty against all of us. It was pretty amazing how everyone came together to give him our opinions, and we were really blunt about it, telling him that his decisions and leadership skills are disgusting. We have had problems with this guy in the past, hes really unethical and unprofessional, but this was the breaking point. We eventually told him we wanted to get rid of him as housing director, that he wasnt helping the house at all, only ruining it. Im still not sure if I am still getting evicted though, either way it doesnt bother me, I had half of the brothers tell me I could stay in their room next semester. Shoot, I wouldnt have to pay rent that way.
So after that, Im sitting in my room talking to some guys about the events of the night when I hear some yelling and running coming from the staircase. Earlier in the day, some guys on the first floor had set up a fort in their hallway made of mattresses and challenged the second and third floor to a battle. This was the battle, and it was freakin awesome! We started out using brooms and frebreeze or axe spray as our ammo. The guys on the second floor (my floor) would charge and all of this smelly stuff would just cloud up the whole hallway. I was using a stick of deodorant as my defense, wiping it on anyone near me. Then I got my airhorn as a defense. And, eventually, someone got the idea to use the fire extinguisher, which, looking back, was a horrible idea. That thing left the biggest mess, white powder was everywhere, I mean, everywhere! Then everyone was on the verge of throwing up because of the white cloud of dust filling the air. We all ran outside and were coughing and spitting trying to get the taste out of our mouths. The dust cloud even made its way up to the third floor. We eventually settled down just before 1am. Im not sure who cleaned up the mess, but it was huge. Someone even threw a pumpkin. Yes, I know, we are wild and irresponsible, but we had so much fun!
So after our conversation, I was walking upstairs to my room when about three or four guys stopped me and asked about our conversation. I explained, and they were also upset with the decision. So they gathered as many guys as they could, and headed to the kitchen to have a huge discussion with Ty. This was pretty amazing. There were about 25 or 30 guys in there defending us four, we all told Ty how we disapproved of him, the corporation, and the Board of Trustees, telling him that they are more concerned with punishing us than helping us, which in turn is hurting the house. This whole conversation went on for a couple of hours, just Ty against all of us. It was pretty amazing how everyone came together to give him our opinions, and we were really blunt about it, telling him that his decisions and leadership skills are disgusting. We have had problems with this guy in the past, hes really unethical and unprofessional, but this was the breaking point. We eventually told him we wanted to get rid of him as housing director, that he wasnt helping the house at all, only ruining it. Im still not sure if I am still getting evicted though, either way it doesnt bother me, I had half of the brothers tell me I could stay in their room next semester. Shoot, I wouldnt have to pay rent that way.
So after that, Im sitting in my room talking to some guys about the events of the night when I hear some yelling and running coming from the staircase. Earlier in the day, some guys on the first floor had set up a fort in their hallway made of mattresses and challenged the second and third floor to a battle. This was the battle, and it was freakin awesome! We started out using brooms and frebreeze or axe spray as our ammo. The guys on the second floor (my floor) would charge and all of this smelly stuff would just cloud up the whole hallway. I was using a stick of deodorant as my defense, wiping it on anyone near me. Then I got my airhorn as a defense. And, eventually, someone got the idea to use the fire extinguisher, which, looking back, was a horrible idea. That thing left the biggest mess, white powder was everywhere, I mean, everywhere! Then everyone was on the verge of throwing up because of the white cloud of dust filling the air. We all ran outside and were coughing and spitting trying to get the taste out of our mouths. The dust cloud even made its way up to the third floor. We eventually settled down just before 1am. Im not sure who cleaned up the mess, but it was huge. Someone even threw a pumpkin. Yes, I know, we are wild and irresponsible, but we had so much fun!
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Fall Break
Today was officially the start of my fall break. We get off monday and tuesday, but since I dont have class on fridays, I get one extra day. Woot! Technically, my weekend started Thursday night, as usual. But for once, I didnt go to the Neon Cactus. I wasnt in the mood at all. I injured my back earlier this week while working out.....then again the next day while doing squats and leg workouts, pulled it even worse. It hurts horribly right now, both my back and legs, I could barely move this morning. So last night, instead of the Cactus, I just went over to Stacees and hung out with her and her boyfriend Steven. We played a couple of games of beer pong, just to do something, then went to IHOP, the best restaurant ever created. I ended up staying the night there since I had to drive them to the airport in Indy the next morning. So, I did that this morning, it was pretty fun, but I hate driving in that traffic! Airports amaze me, there are so many different types of people, I was constantly looking around at all of the people. I could seriously just spend a day in an airport and watch people. I really didnt do anything the rest of the day, just sat around, took a two hour nap, watched Thelma and Louise, and now here I am blogging. Im in one of those moods where I dont want to be around anyone, just be alone for a night. I got several offers to go places, one to go to the University of Illinois with some guys, one to hang out with some sorority girls, one to go camping, but I just dont feel like being social tonight, just being left alone.
Like I said in an earlier post, I might be going on an adventure this weekend, a road trip, but my plan might be falling through. I wont go into detail about where Im going, I will after the trip if it happens. But if I go, Ill be leaving tomorrow morning with AJ. I have to wait and see if he still wants to go tomorrow, thats why it might fall through, but it doesnt look promising. If I dont go on that roadtrip, I will swing by my grampa Toms house in southern Illinois, he is always glad to have me visit, and I always love visiting him. Im not really sure why I dont want to go home this weekend, everyone else is. Ive been asked by everyone if Im going home, I just say no, but have no reason. Maybe its because home is too familiar.
But for now, I think I might watch another movie before I hit the sack. Have a great weekend y'all! Oh by the way, thanks for all the comments on my artwork!!
Like I said in an earlier post, I might be going on an adventure this weekend, a road trip, but my plan might be falling through. I wont go into detail about where Im going, I will after the trip if it happens. But if I go, Ill be leaving tomorrow morning with AJ. I have to wait and see if he still wants to go tomorrow, thats why it might fall through, but it doesnt look promising. If I dont go on that roadtrip, I will swing by my grampa Toms house in southern Illinois, he is always glad to have me visit, and I always love visiting him. Im not really sure why I dont want to go home this weekend, everyone else is. Ive been asked by everyone if Im going home, I just say no, but have no reason. Maybe its because home is too familiar.
But for now, I think I might watch another movie before I hit the sack. Have a great weekend y'all! Oh by the way, thanks for all the comments on my artwork!!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Ramblings
I was thinking today about some of the worst feelings that I experience from time to time. First of all, when you have to pee really really bad. This is a horrible, horrible feeling. For example, if you are on a roadtrip and you have just drinken a 56oz drink while driving. Shortly after, you begin to have that feeling of a filling bladder, but realize that you just stopped twenty minutes ago, so you hold it in for an hour. This also applies to when you are sleeping and awake in the middle of the night with a full bladder. Seriously, you feel like you are going to die. On the contrary, one the best feelings in the world is when you actually get to go potty.
Another bad feeling is when you eat too much and you feel so full you feel like youre going to explode. I think that this is a worse feeling than being starving! But, unlike a full bladder, you cant instantly relieve a full stomach, you just have to suffer for a few hours.
Speaking of starving, I joined a club today here at Purdue called War on Hunger. I was walking back from studying at a friends apartment last night when I saw in huge chalk letters written on the sidewalk "War on Hunger" with very little information written below, just a time and place to meet. I stood there for a while, probably a minute or so, just staring at this trying to figure out what it could be. So I wrote the time and place on my hand and decided to see what it was about. The meeting was today at 6:30, Ian and I went to it. I guess it was just a club meeting, they acted like everyone there was part of the club, so me and Ian decided to join. We made some posters with statistics written on them, such as "A child starves to death every 5 seconds" or "Approximately 900,000,000 people in the world suffer from undernourishment." We also signed up for something on next Wednesday. Im not really sure what we are doing, but I think that we sit at a table in the center of campus selling buttons and raising awareness for hunger, I think Wednesday is National Hunger Awareness Day. This should be pretty interesting. Ian also talked me into doing a Big Brothers, Big Sisters club with him too. I think Ill enjoy that.
This week I have two midterm portfolio reviews for my art classes, so I will try to get some pictures soon of some of the work that Ive done this semester. One of the requirements for my advanced drawing class is 45 pages of sketches due thursday, and I have like 16. So I will be doing lots of sketching this week! We had since the beginning of the semester to complete these 45 pages though, so dont feel bad for me.
Also, I have Fall Break this coming weekend. I get off Friday through Tuesday, 5 whole days! I am currently planning a trip, but still dont have all of the details figured out, or who Im going with. Its going to be a roadtrip of some sort.
Another bad feeling is when you eat too much and you feel so full you feel like youre going to explode. I think that this is a worse feeling than being starving! But, unlike a full bladder, you cant instantly relieve a full stomach, you just have to suffer for a few hours.
Speaking of starving, I joined a club today here at Purdue called War on Hunger. I was walking back from studying at a friends apartment last night when I saw in huge chalk letters written on the sidewalk "War on Hunger" with very little information written below, just a time and place to meet. I stood there for a while, probably a minute or so, just staring at this trying to figure out what it could be. So I wrote the time and place on my hand and decided to see what it was about. The meeting was today at 6:30, Ian and I went to it. I guess it was just a club meeting, they acted like everyone there was part of the club, so me and Ian decided to join. We made some posters with statistics written on them, such as "A child starves to death every 5 seconds" or "Approximately 900,000,000 people in the world suffer from undernourishment." We also signed up for something on next Wednesday. Im not really sure what we are doing, but I think that we sit at a table in the center of campus selling buttons and raising awareness for hunger, I think Wednesday is National Hunger Awareness Day. This should be pretty interesting. Ian also talked me into doing a Big Brothers, Big Sisters club with him too. I think Ill enjoy that.
This week I have two midterm portfolio reviews for my art classes, so I will try to get some pictures soon of some of the work that Ive done this semester. One of the requirements for my advanced drawing class is 45 pages of sketches due thursday, and I have like 16. So I will be doing lots of sketching this week! We had since the beginning of the semester to complete these 45 pages though, so dont feel bad for me.
Also, I have Fall Break this coming weekend. I get off Friday through Tuesday, 5 whole days! I am currently planning a trip, but still dont have all of the details figured out, or who Im going with. Its going to be a roadtrip of some sort.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Noise
So tonight I once again played in the band at Greek IV, this time on the electric guitar. It was an alright time, and again I only had about an hour to learn three songs, which I ended up not playing the last song because I had never heard of it and the chords were wrong on the sheet and everything was messed up about it. What was disappointing about tonight, though, was that there were very few people who showed up to Greek IV, maybe 25 people. But there are midterms going on this week, so I guess its understandable.
But the message tonight was pretty ironic. We watched a Rob Bell video tonight about noise. He talked about why we feel the need to constantly be listening to music, watching tv, talking to people, texting, surfing the web, playing video games, and so on. Why cant we just be in silence for a little bit. At one point in the video, everything went black and silent, for quite a while, and Ill admit, it was a tad uncomfortable. And Im guilty of this too, I even feel wierd walking to class without my ipod playing, or driving without the radio on. Why is it so uncomfortable to be in silence? It says in Luke(?) that Jesus constantly went places to be alone in silence and pray.
What was so ironic for me was that lately I have been trying to be alone. Ive been trying to get away and be in silence and talk to God. Trying to separate myself from all of the clutter and constant motion here at Purdue. In the past week, I have been out three times at three different places to just sit down and be in silence, to try and hear Gods voice, which is exactly what we talked about tonight. Its really one of my favorite things to do, just lay there and listen, try to make sense of things, try to get a sense of God, listen to what Hes telling me.
I always get interrupted though. Whether its a car driving by, or a nosey police officer, I cant seem to get away. During the video, Rob had a statistic from a man that recorded the sounds of nature for CDs or something. He said that back when he began, it took about 15 hours of recording get 1 hour of pure nature sounds, because of trying to avoid the sound of airplanes and cars and so on. But today, it take 2000 hours to get 1 hour of sound. We are very noisy, no wonder its so hard to hear God, it will take 2000 hours of listening to hear 1 hour of Gods voice.
But the message tonight was pretty ironic. We watched a Rob Bell video tonight about noise. He talked about why we feel the need to constantly be listening to music, watching tv, talking to people, texting, surfing the web, playing video games, and so on. Why cant we just be in silence for a little bit. At one point in the video, everything went black and silent, for quite a while, and Ill admit, it was a tad uncomfortable. And Im guilty of this too, I even feel wierd walking to class without my ipod playing, or driving without the radio on. Why is it so uncomfortable to be in silence? It says in Luke(?) that Jesus constantly went places to be alone in silence and pray.
What was so ironic for me was that lately I have been trying to be alone. Ive been trying to get away and be in silence and talk to God. Trying to separate myself from all of the clutter and constant motion here at Purdue. In the past week, I have been out three times at three different places to just sit down and be in silence, to try and hear Gods voice, which is exactly what we talked about tonight. Its really one of my favorite things to do, just lay there and listen, try to make sense of things, try to get a sense of God, listen to what Hes telling me.
I always get interrupted though. Whether its a car driving by, or a nosey police officer, I cant seem to get away. During the video, Rob had a statistic from a man that recorded the sounds of nature for CDs or something. He said that back when he began, it took about 15 hours of recording get 1 hour of pure nature sounds, because of trying to avoid the sound of airplanes and cars and so on. But today, it take 2000 hours to get 1 hour of sound. We are very noisy, no wonder its so hard to hear God, it will take 2000 hours of listening to hear 1 hour of Gods voice.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Laying Under the Stars
Well, tonight I did a little something out of the ordinary. I was rushing around, doing my daily stuff like a walmart run, fixing a flat tire on my car, getting art supplies, you know, just the usual running around. It was about 9 o' clock at night, and I had decided on my way back from Walmart that I needed a break. I needed a break from constantly doing something, I needed a break from seeing people, being social. I needed to be alone for a while. So, I started driving. I wasnt really sure where I was going, actually I got lost pretty quickly, I just found some country roads and went from there. I figured if I got too lost, I would be able to just backtrack to find my way home. So I turned my music off, rolled down all of the windows, opened the moonroof, drove really slow, like 30 mph, and just took it in. Just enjoyed the air swirling around the interior of my car, seemingly smacking me in the head in all directions. I drove until I found no more civilization.
Then I decided that I needed to get out of the car. So I drove until I saw no more cars. I eventually hit a dirt road. I wandered down the road, not too far though, I didnt want to get my car filthy dirty since I just washed it a couple of days ago. Then I stopped. I pulled over to the side of the road, got out of my car, walked down the road a little ways, and just layed there in the middle of this dirt road. It was wonderful! It was great to just get away for a while. It seemed like I was a million miles from campus, when in reality, I was only about 10 miles away. I didnt really think of too much, just how great it felt to feel the dirt on my back and head, and feel the cool air swirl around me, and hear all of the crickets and insects around me. I mostly just thought about how bad it would suck if I got hit by a car, but that fear dimished quickly since I hadnt seen a car for miles. One thought that popped into my head while laying there was what it must have been like for people hundreds of years ago, wondering if someone was doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot from where I was two or three hundreds years ago. I was trying to imagine what it must have looked like. The powerlines wouldnt have been there. The corn wouldnt have been as tall, if there at all. The road may not have existed. No airplanes in the sky, no satellites to look for. But the sky would have probably looked amazing. No light pollution, just billions of twinkles lighting up the night sky.
I didnt stay very long though, maybe 15-20 minutes. But that was all I needed. I felt refreshed after that. And it was a good reflection time. I felt connected with God in that moment, I felt like He was there with me, enjoying the sights and sounds and feelings along with me.
Then I decided that I needed to get out of the car. So I drove until I saw no more cars. I eventually hit a dirt road. I wandered down the road, not too far though, I didnt want to get my car filthy dirty since I just washed it a couple of days ago. Then I stopped. I pulled over to the side of the road, got out of my car, walked down the road a little ways, and just layed there in the middle of this dirt road. It was wonderful! It was great to just get away for a while. It seemed like I was a million miles from campus, when in reality, I was only about 10 miles away. I didnt really think of too much, just how great it felt to feel the dirt on my back and head, and feel the cool air swirl around me, and hear all of the crickets and insects around me. I mostly just thought about how bad it would suck if I got hit by a car, but that fear dimished quickly since I hadnt seen a car for miles. One thought that popped into my head while laying there was what it must have been like for people hundreds of years ago, wondering if someone was doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot from where I was two or three hundreds years ago. I was trying to imagine what it must have looked like. The powerlines wouldnt have been there. The corn wouldnt have been as tall, if there at all. The road may not have existed. No airplanes in the sky, no satellites to look for. But the sky would have probably looked amazing. No light pollution, just billions of twinkles lighting up the night sky.
I didnt stay very long though, maybe 15-20 minutes. But that was all I needed. I felt refreshed after that. And it was a good reflection time. I felt connected with God in that moment, I felt like He was there with me, enjoying the sights and sounds and feelings along with me.
Monday, September 22, 2008
The Power of a Smile
I love it when people smile. I think that there is so much power in just a simple smile. I think that people even become more attractive when they smile, its a lot better than looking angry or sad. If you know me, you know that I love to smile and laugh and try to make others laugh and smile. I am somewhat witty, I like to crack stupid jokes and say things that I think are funny, but sometimes others dont get my humor. I love to see people smile, but not pitty smiles, or fake smiles. I like to see real, genuine, nonthreatening, loving smiles, teeth or no teeth, a smile is a smile.
The other day I was walking to class, it was just a normal, average day. Usually when I walk to class, I like to look at people, I look at everyone! Im a huge fan of people watching. And normally when I pass someone and make eye contact with them, they quickly look away to lose eye contact. Im not really sure why they do this. And sometimes when they look at me and keep eye contact for a second or two, I will shoot them a smile, guy or girl (but especially for the ladies, wink wink). But on this day, I noticed a very beautiful girl coming my way, and of course this put me in panic mode when she looked at me. Then she shot me a smile before I could. What a great feeling! That one smile from this particular girl just made the rest of my day. That is what I mean about smiles being powerful. Just a simple smile could make someones day. Just think, if you smiled at each person you passed, think of the number of people you are impacting!
Can you guys think of any other examples of what Im talking about? What are some other ways a smile could be powerful?
The other day I was walking to class, it was just a normal, average day. Usually when I walk to class, I like to look at people, I look at everyone! Im a huge fan of people watching. And normally when I pass someone and make eye contact with them, they quickly look away to lose eye contact. Im not really sure why they do this. And sometimes when they look at me and keep eye contact for a second or two, I will shoot them a smile, guy or girl (but especially for the ladies, wink wink). But on this day, I noticed a very beautiful girl coming my way, and of course this put me in panic mode when she looked at me. Then she shot me a smile before I could. What a great feeling! That one smile from this particular girl just made the rest of my day. That is what I mean about smiles being powerful. Just a simple smile could make someones day. Just think, if you smiled at each person you passed, think of the number of people you are impacting!
Can you guys think of any other examples of what Im talking about? What are some other ways a smile could be powerful?
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Rest of the Weekend
Woke up at about 11am, I ended up staying awake until like 3am last night. I got so much sleep during the day, I wasnt really tired last night. I sat around during the first half of the day, just watched TV, got on the internet for while, just killed time. Then I left to go buy some new gym shorts. I lost my good ones somewhere so Ive been working out in my pajama shorts that I made. I get some looks in the wieght room. After I bought my shorts, I went to the ATM, went to CVS to buy some car cleaning products, then went to the car wash. It was time for my car to be totally cleaned. Got it vacuumed, armoralled, washed, the works. Came back to the house, only to leave again to work out. It was just a light workout, mostly just to do something because I was bored. I did 100 pushups, 20 pullups, and biked for 30 minutes. Came back, showered, then had to go to a cookout our fraternity had with one of the sororities, Kappa Alpha Theta....otherwise known as Thetas. I know several girls in that sorority, so it wasnt too awkward for me. I hung out with Meghan Phillips most of the time, I went to high school with her, we were the set of twins in our class. She gave me and AJ a tour of the house, its really not as nice as I thought it would be, thier rooms are really small and all look the same. But they have a courtyard in the center of the house, so that more than makes up for it. We also watched the Colts game while we were there, it was very exciting, yet disappointing. I met a couple more girls while there, it was just some typical small talk.
Then me and Cam left for church just before 8pm. The church I attend here at Purdue is called Purdue Christian Campus House, also known as Campus House Church, http://www.pcch.org/. This place is great, it reminds me a lot of Horizon, my church from home. They believe mostly what we believe at Horizon. And they have a great band too, worship is amazing. There are four different service times on Sundays: 9am, 11am, 6pm, and 8pm. I usually attend the 6 or 8 oclock services, mainly because I cant get up early enough for the morning ones. Tonight we talked about miricles. We are doing a series on who Jesus is for the next few weeks. This place really bring me back to seeing the big picture every week. I always get so caught up in everything here at school, Im always busy doing something, but its just me and Jesus on sundays. Unfortunately, it doesnt really stay that way the rest of the week. But it was a pretty good service tonight, as it usually is. And currently, I should be studying, but I dont really feel like it right now, maybe later. And Im watching Family Guy, so I have to wait till thats over.
So thats what happens for me here at Purdue. Just to let you in on what I do.
Then me and Cam left for church just before 8pm. The church I attend here at Purdue is called Purdue Christian Campus House, also known as Campus House Church, http://www.pcch.org/. This place is great, it reminds me a lot of Horizon, my church from home. They believe mostly what we believe at Horizon. And they have a great band too, worship is amazing. There are four different service times on Sundays: 9am, 11am, 6pm, and 8pm. I usually attend the 6 or 8 oclock services, mainly because I cant get up early enough for the morning ones. Tonight we talked about miricles. We are doing a series on who Jesus is for the next few weeks. This place really bring me back to seeing the big picture every week. I always get so caught up in everything here at school, Im always busy doing something, but its just me and Jesus on sundays. Unfortunately, it doesnt really stay that way the rest of the week. But it was a pretty good service tonight, as it usually is. And currently, I should be studying, but I dont really feel like it right now, maybe later. And Im watching Family Guy, so I have to wait till thats over.
So thats what happens for me here at Purdue. Just to let you in on what I do.
Weekends at the Due
I just realized that its been a while since Ive put anything on my blog! The days are going by so quickly here at school. But never fear loyal followers, Ben is back with some stories! This weekend was kind of a typicle weekend for me. Jam packed with good times, bad times, random happenings, and little sleep.
My weekend started Thursday night, since I dont have class on Fridays. On Thursday nights, a group of my fraternity brothers and I like to go to the Neon Cactus, a HUGE bar off campus. Thursday nights at the Cactus are the thing to do, EVERYONE goes. Its cheap, five dollar cover charge with 25 cent beers. Plus, dancing! There is a ginormic dance floor in the center of the place, and it is always packed and sweaty and loud, and ultimately exhausting. So we got there and just hung out at a table and talked about nothing for a little while, then I got a call from Stacee, one of my really good friends, saying that her big sister was in town and they want to come over to the Cactus. Well, first of all, backstory on Stacee. She and I have known each other since like 5th grade, she lived in the next town over, Plymouth. I always had a huge crush on her all throughout elem, middle, and high school. We eventually dated in high school, on and off, for maybe a year or so. But now we are just really good friends. And her family is like my second family. But anyways, her 29 yr old sister, Holly, came up for the weekend from Virginia to hang out and also go to the football game. But we had a blast at the Cactus thursday. It was pretty much me dancing with these two beautiful blonde girls all night, I was the envy of the place, cant get any better than that. We eventually split, I went back to my house with my brothers, my uber-drunk friend unwillingly bought us pizza, and I eventually made it to bed at about 3am.
Woke up at noon on Friday. Thats the great thing about Fridays for me, I can sleep all day if I like. I didnt really do much all day Friday, played Xbox for a while, went to workout, just relaxed. Then Friday night rolls around. This was a very frustrating Friday night. My fraternity cohosted a party with Alpha Kappa Lambda, another frat, at their house. I went with AJ, we were there for about 15 min, it was lame, and we werent in the mood to party or be social at all for that matter. So we decided to go buy some cigars and smoke them. We went to a gas station, were standing in line to pay, and some drunk guy wanted to fight us for no reason. Seriously, no reasonat all, we said nothing to him, he just walked up to us and said, "Did I stutter? Now get the f*** outta my way!" I kind of just looked at him with a "wait, are you serious" look on my face. We just ignored him and left. We went back to the house, me and AJ and Nathan smoked on the roof and told stories. Nathan tells amazing stories. Him and a friend tried driving to the east coast on mopeds this summer......they made it to Ohio, his friend forgot a sleeping bag and got sick one night. While up on the roof, we saw three brothers walking back from the party, one of which was less walking and more leaning on the other two to stay up. All the while being followed closely by a police car. I thought for sure they were gonna get busted, but they made it into the house alright.
So I went downstairs to talk to the guys that came in, just wanting to see some drunken happenings. I was talking to the one that couldnt walk, he is one of the newer guys in the house. We were just having a good time, laughing and stuff, then he breaks out into tears. At first I thought it was pretty funny, but then realize that something was really wrong. He kept telling me that he needed to walk back to his apartment (2 miles away), I said that theres no way Im letting him, saying that he would definately get arrested, but he said that he wanted to get arrested. He was being very self destructive, he wanted to go back to his place and drink more, to get his mind off something. He wouldnt tell us what was wrong though. So for 2 hours I was keeping an eye on him, making sure he wouldnt leave, eventually wrestling him to the ground a couple of times to get him to stay. He was still crying the whole time. We eventually drove him back to his place, and had a little talk with him. Apparently, the girl he had been dating left the party with another guy and he was crushed. We tried comforting him, but he will obviously still be crushed for few days. When we left, we peered into his window for a few minutes to see if he went for the alcohol again. He didnt. I eventually got to bed at 4am.
So then 7am quickly rolls around. Time for breakfast club! Breakfast club is when you dress up in a costume and go to the bars before the football game. This was my first time going to breakfast club. I dressed up in my Kmart attire which I kept from when I worked there in high school. The crew I went with included Stacee, Holly, and Adam, my roomate. Adam was dressed as a pimp, Stacee and Holly were the Doublemint twins. We make it to the first bar at about 8:30am, Brothers Bar. It was pretty dead there, we each had a drink then went to the next bar, WhereElse. This place was happenin! Lots of people, dance floor, cheap screwdrivers. I had two screwdrivers while I was there. It was, again, a blast dancing with Stacee and Holly, and me and Adam were once again the envy of the bar. We left at about 10am, were giving free doublemint gum to random people on the way back, eventaully made it back to my room, then the girls left. I decided to make a third screwdriver. Now, Im a small guy, I hadnt eaten anything that morning, and the screwdrivers at WhereElse were almost double, each. On top of that, I got barely any sleep the night before. Needless to say, I closed my eyes at about 11am.......and missed the football game. I woke up at 3pm, not feeling well. Very dizzy. I spent the rest of the day laying around, trying to recover.
And on top of all this, my roomates ex-girlfriend is up for the weekend. Im not fond of her, she makes my skin crawl. I feel like I have to clean everything she touches. Im afraid to leave them alone in my room for fear that I will have to burn my couch after what they do. So, Im really not happy about this, and they obviously know that. Once again, Im not one to sugarcoat my thoughts.
Alright, its after 2am now, time to finish the day. Sunday....studying, I have an exam Monday. And church, woot! I love my church down here. kbye.
My weekend started Thursday night, since I dont have class on Fridays. On Thursday nights, a group of my fraternity brothers and I like to go to the Neon Cactus, a HUGE bar off campus. Thursday nights at the Cactus are the thing to do, EVERYONE goes. Its cheap, five dollar cover charge with 25 cent beers. Plus, dancing! There is a ginormic dance floor in the center of the place, and it is always packed and sweaty and loud, and ultimately exhausting. So we got there and just hung out at a table and talked about nothing for a little while, then I got a call from Stacee, one of my really good friends, saying that her big sister was in town and they want to come over to the Cactus. Well, first of all, backstory on Stacee. She and I have known each other since like 5th grade, she lived in the next town over, Plymouth. I always had a huge crush on her all throughout elem, middle, and high school. We eventually dated in high school, on and off, for maybe a year or so. But now we are just really good friends. And her family is like my second family. But anyways, her 29 yr old sister, Holly, came up for the weekend from Virginia to hang out and also go to the football game. But we had a blast at the Cactus thursday. It was pretty much me dancing with these two beautiful blonde girls all night, I was the envy of the place, cant get any better than that. We eventually split, I went back to my house with my brothers, my uber-drunk friend unwillingly bought us pizza, and I eventually made it to bed at about 3am.
Woke up at noon on Friday. Thats the great thing about Fridays for me, I can sleep all day if I like. I didnt really do much all day Friday, played Xbox for a while, went to workout, just relaxed. Then Friday night rolls around. This was a very frustrating Friday night. My fraternity cohosted a party with Alpha Kappa Lambda, another frat, at their house. I went with AJ, we were there for about 15 min, it was lame, and we werent in the mood to party or be social at all for that matter. So we decided to go buy some cigars and smoke them. We went to a gas station, were standing in line to pay, and some drunk guy wanted to fight us for no reason. Seriously, no reasonat all, we said nothing to him, he just walked up to us and said, "Did I stutter? Now get the f*** outta my way!" I kind of just looked at him with a "wait, are you serious" look on my face. We just ignored him and left. We went back to the house, me and AJ and Nathan smoked on the roof and told stories. Nathan tells amazing stories. Him and a friend tried driving to the east coast on mopeds this summer......they made it to Ohio, his friend forgot a sleeping bag and got sick one night. While up on the roof, we saw three brothers walking back from the party, one of which was less walking and more leaning on the other two to stay up. All the while being followed closely by a police car. I thought for sure they were gonna get busted, but they made it into the house alright.
So I went downstairs to talk to the guys that came in, just wanting to see some drunken happenings. I was talking to the one that couldnt walk, he is one of the newer guys in the house. We were just having a good time, laughing and stuff, then he breaks out into tears. At first I thought it was pretty funny, but then realize that something was really wrong. He kept telling me that he needed to walk back to his apartment (2 miles away), I said that theres no way Im letting him, saying that he would definately get arrested, but he said that he wanted to get arrested. He was being very self destructive, he wanted to go back to his place and drink more, to get his mind off something. He wouldnt tell us what was wrong though. So for 2 hours I was keeping an eye on him, making sure he wouldnt leave, eventually wrestling him to the ground a couple of times to get him to stay. He was still crying the whole time. We eventually drove him back to his place, and had a little talk with him. Apparently, the girl he had been dating left the party with another guy and he was crushed. We tried comforting him, but he will obviously still be crushed for few days. When we left, we peered into his window for a few minutes to see if he went for the alcohol again. He didnt. I eventually got to bed at 4am.
So then 7am quickly rolls around. Time for breakfast club! Breakfast club is when you dress up in a costume and go to the bars before the football game. This was my first time going to breakfast club. I dressed up in my Kmart attire which I kept from when I worked there in high school. The crew I went with included Stacee, Holly, and Adam, my roomate. Adam was dressed as a pimp, Stacee and Holly were the Doublemint twins. We make it to the first bar at about 8:30am, Brothers Bar. It was pretty dead there, we each had a drink then went to the next bar, WhereElse. This place was happenin! Lots of people, dance floor, cheap screwdrivers. I had two screwdrivers while I was there. It was, again, a blast dancing with Stacee and Holly, and me and Adam were once again the envy of the bar. We left at about 10am, were giving free doublemint gum to random people on the way back, eventaully made it back to my room, then the girls left. I decided to make a third screwdriver. Now, Im a small guy, I hadnt eaten anything that morning, and the screwdrivers at WhereElse were almost double, each. On top of that, I got barely any sleep the night before. Needless to say, I closed my eyes at about 11am.......and missed the football game. I woke up at 3pm, not feeling well. Very dizzy. I spent the rest of the day laying around, trying to recover.
And on top of all this, my roomates ex-girlfriend is up for the weekend. Im not fond of her, she makes my skin crawl. I feel like I have to clean everything she touches. Im afraid to leave them alone in my room for fear that I will have to burn my couch after what they do. So, Im really not happy about this, and they obviously know that. Once again, Im not one to sugarcoat my thoughts.
Alright, its after 2am now, time to finish the day. Sunday....studying, I have an exam Monday. And church, woot! I love my church down here. kbye.
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