VIRUS!!

I know that I havent posted in quite a while, mostly because I have been busy catching up and hanging out with all of my friends. But now, I have a slight (major) problem with my computer that has rendered it useless. Its gotta be a virus of some sort, Im not really sure, I dont know computers very well. So now, I am unable to use my computer for now. Im at a computer lab right now typing this one. This is really a bummer because I have some MAJOR things that I have been thinking about and really want to write them down! So stay patient and some good posts will be coming!

He Makes Me Smile

So tonight I went to church here at Purdue, the one I always go to, Purdue Campus Christian House. I went to the 8pm service alone tonight. I was gonna go with Cam but he bailed at the last minute so I went by myself. Luckily I knew someone there and she let me sit with her and her husband.

But anyways, there are certain, little things in life that just absolutely thrill me. And one of those things is worship. I love it! I love singing, I love thinking about the words, and I love singing to God. And I always have to close my eyes during worship because I get easily distracted by pretty girls and shiney objects.

I didnt always like worship though. Actually it used to be my least favorite part because I dont really like to sing in front of people. But I always used to aim my attention toward myself during worship, only thinking about peoples reactions if they heard my voice. Once I realized that its not about me, it became much more enjoyable. Now I sing at the top of my lungs for Him.

But anywho, every single time we worship, I have to smile. I cant help it, there is just this overwhelming joy that comes over me. I start thinking about how happy it makes God to hear the words I sing, and that these words are only for Him. And sometimes, I just stop and listen to everyone else sing. Not because I wanna hear who is singing and who isnt, or who is good and who isnt. I stop and just listen to the beauty that we are creating. The beauty of all of these different voices mixed with the talent of the band. And its all in the name of God. All for Him. That makes me smile even more! What a powerful connection this gives us with God.

But sometimes I dont smile during worship.

Lately I have been pretty out of touch with God. I feel like I am pretty much a Sunday Christian nowadays, and that really bugs me. I havent touched my Bible since.....probably this summer. And I just dont see God in everyday situations anymore. I want to, but I hate to say that life consumes me nowadays, and frankly, Im just not looking anymore. I cant look up anymore, only at my feet.

I was thinking about this tonight while walking back from church. I was thinking about how this had happened. Im still not sure exactly how, but its probably because I have been thinking of only me. Living selfishly. Which is not a good thing. Not at all. Ive been walking alone.

But last weekend I went to church back home, Horizen Ministries. And of course, I couldnt wait until worship. But this time I didnt smile. I sang the words, processed the words, and was overwhelmed by this huge feeling of love. I usually feel this way during worship, but this time it was different. I started thinking about the way I had been living the past few months, being so selfish and shutting God out of my life, and when I was overcome by this feeling of love, I couldnt handle it. I felt like I didnt deserve it. And couldnt fathom why He would still love me after what I had done to Him. This time, a smile didnt cover my face. This time, tears filled my eyes. And I tried my hardest not to let it show, being so prideful and all. But these tears started out as sad tears, then turned quickly into joyful tears. Isnt it amazing to think of His love and forgiveness. All we have to do is give Him a chance.

Back at School

Well, I came back to Purdue on Thursday morning. I swear I was the first person back on campus, I was at least the first one back at ATO. Immediately I checked my situation with my classes and such. Again it wasnt quite as easy as you would think to schedule just one more class. First of all, the money I paid a few days earlier didnt actually go towards my hold, it went towards my tuition, which financial aid would have covered once I got the money. So I was running around all day Thursday trying to get this resolved, running from building to building, and calling and emailing people. Finally, Friday morning they got everything squared. It was a very messing situation. Then I got online to finish scheduling one more class, and none of the classes I needed to take were available. Not one single class had any room for me. So I had to sign up for some agronomy class. I dont even know what agronomy is.

And again, I will have no money this semester. I am getting a check from the school here in a couple of days for $10,112. Your probably thinking,"holy crap Ben, you will have a TON of money for this semester." Once again, wrong-o. Rent for the rest of the year (plus late fees) is around $4,700. I have to pay my mom back $3,000. I have to pay my dad back $1,100. Meal plan for lunches at the house is around $400. Dues for the fraternity are about $300-$400. That leaves very little money left for living. So, of course, I need to get a job. Ive been looking around already and have asked at a couple of places if theyre hiring, but havent had any luck yet. I might be able to get a job at a sorority cleaning dishes, and I get a free meal out of it, which would be great because I wont be able to afford dinner. And I wanted to get a second job on top of that. So hopefully I will make enough money to survive this semester. Ive already been budgeting, I bought a ton of Ramen noodles for dinners and some other cheap food like PB&J. Its gonna be a challenge this semester, but I think I can do it. Im gonna have to skip out on going out to the bars a lot with my friends though, and control my impulse buys.

So yeah, thats whats going on here. Im really excited to be back, and pretty motivated to do well this semester, for some reason. Usually I dread it when classes have to start back up, but Im pretty excited now. That will probably change in a week.

Motorcycles, Paintings, and Ceramics

Just to finish up some stuff I never put up, here is some more artwork from Christmas and some of my ceramics projects from the past semester.






Christmas present for good 'ol grandpa Tom Christmas present for Dad

Christmas present for Mom (first time using watercolor)

Another for Mom (first time using acrylic)

Hand made from clay, it had to be as lifelike as possible and twice the size of a real hand. I accidentally broke two fingers off right before my final critique, so they are just superglued back on. Oh, and the whole thing is hollow. Yeah, it was tough to make.

It looks pretty creepy, huh.

Lidded box

Pot, not an urn.

Abstract that had to be inspired by song, poem, literature, etc.

My inspiration was Today is Alive. Read this below, its an explination that I had to write about why I used this poem and how I incorporated it into my piece.

Update on Life

Well, Christmas break has been kind of crazy this year. Im not used to floating around so much, that is, trying to find places to stay. Well, its not that I cant find places to stay, I just have to find which places easily fit my schedule. Its been hectic, but bearable.

Im finally over my illness. It stuck around for just about three full weeks. And it was probably the worst illness Ive ever had. I wouldnt wish mono on my worst enemies. It started out as flu symptoms: fever, chills, massive headaches, stomach aches. Then it progressed to extreme weakness, there would days where I would do nothing but lay on the couch and watch TV, I didnt even have the energy to get up and eat. Then it progressed to strep like symptoms. My throat was a mess, for a couple of days it was tough breathing because it was so swollen. Then when I would sleep, I had to breathe through my mouth because my nasal passage was nearly swollen shut, and when I would wake up in the mornings, all of the mucus and flem in my throat would dry up and it would just be a nasty mess back there. (Arent you glad Im going into such detail!) All the while, Im still getting fevers about every day. Toward the end, I began to regain strength and I would be fine for a day, then the next day it would seem to come back. This happened for about four or five days. But now, all I have is a little bit of a sore throat, but its not bad at all. Im feeling about 98% better.

I went to the doctor yesterday to get checked for ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder, if you didnt know). Ive known for a while that I for sure have it, but havent really done anything about, just put up with it. But lately its been affecting my everyday life, read I forget EVERYTHING , so I figured I had to do something about it. So I went to the doctor, he asked me a bunch of questions about my studying habits, memory, time and money management, organization, and, no surprise, I was diagnosed with ADD. Actually, I was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), which was kind of a surprise, I never really thought I was that hyper. But in adults, the hyperactivity is mostly impatience and impulsive behaviors, which are obviously me. So he gave me some trial pills, today is the first day Ive taken them, and I already notice a difference. But we'll see how it affects me in the future.

Hmm, what else. Oh, I never updating my housing situation for second semester at Purdue. I had a couple of people come up to me and ask if I was still getting kicked out of the fraternity. Well, Im not. I met up with the Board of Trustees, a group of people that oversee the decisions of the house, and I pled my case to them. Their conclusion was that I really didnt do anything wrong, so I get to stay in the house. But my roommate and one other guy got evicted. So they are getting an apartment together for spring semester.

I also had another huge ordeal involving registering for classes and paying Purdue more money, its a huge mess and Im still dealing with it. The problem is that I still havent finished registering for my classes, so Im still not a full time student yet. And since Im not yet a full time student, I wont get my financial aid money. But I have hold on my record, I have to pay $3,938 before I can finish setting up my classes. But I couldnt get that money until I get my financial aid. But I couldnt get my financial aid until I got my classes finished. But I couldnt get my classes until I got that paid..........do you see the mess here? Yeah, it is complicated. But, I did get the $3,938 paid today, I had to borrow some money from my parents, which I will pay back when I get my aid money. So now I just need to finish registering for classes. And since classes start Monday, I need to do that as soon as possible, but I have the wait till I get back to school because all of my classes information is there (which ones I need to take). Ill need to head back sometime in the next couple days. So that has been a huge hassle also.

But other than all that crap, Ive just been lounging around. Ive been playing with my camera a lot and messing around with Photoshop even more. Ive got some pretty good pics that I adjusted in Photoshop that will probably show up on here sometime.

Photos!

Well, Ive been playing around with my camera a bunch the last couple of days, and these are some of my more favorite pictures that Ive taken. Most of them were taken today at my aunt and uncles house while playing pool (obvi), the rest were at Todds on New Years Eve. Enjoy!!



Stitch Assisted photo of Jane's Park in Bremen (click on it for detail)