Whew, Im back!

Hello again faithful readers! Sorry it has been a few days since I have written, I have been so busy with moving back to Purdue and getting settled into the frat. Yes, I am a frat boy. I love living in the fraternity though. Its like living with 50 of your closest friends. Well, most of them are my friends. This year I am rooming with one of my closest friends, Adam. We have a pretty sweet setup in our room already, everything we need, then about half the room is junk we dont need, but make the room look awesome. I ended up moving in a week early just so I could get nice and settled in before class starts. It would be too stressful to move in the weekend before then have class start the next day, I did that last year and was just too much. Plus, I really wanted to come back, needed to leave my house in Bremen to come back HOME. I pretty much have to call the frat Home now. It feels like home.

And of course me and Adam couldnt wait to go to Harrys last night. Harrys is actually called Harrys Chocolate Shop, but has nothing to do with chocolate. Its a bar, one of the best in West Lafayette. Last semester me and Adam started going every Friday afternoon for lunch after I turned 21. They have some amazing burgers there! So anywho, last night we went, had a couple of drinks, ordered some breadsticks, then hit the sack. Very eventful. And now, we are still trying to get everything put away and organized in our room. Im pretty excited about this year though, I got a new major, new room, a workout partner (so far), so it should be a good year. Well, farewell for now, ill get back in the groove hopefully.

Photoshop Fun

Ive been messing around with Photoshop lately and here are some of the pictures I made look TOTALLY AWESOME. The first one is Trent when we went on our 30 mile ride. Its not the best quality pic, it only took me about 10 minutes to do this one. The second is a picture of the sunset in Panama City, Florida. There were actually some buildings in the bottom left but I got rid of them. The third is my favorite, just a countryside picture from our 30 mile ride, but I love how I made the sky look in it. And the last one is from Panama City, its a picture of me skimboarding. Its basically the same filter as the picture of Trent on his bike.

God is Frowning

So I just finished a book tonight titled Sex God, another book written by Rob Bell. If you have never read any of his books, I would definately recommend them. His style of writing is so easy to read, although it is a little hard to take it all in during one sitting, so I will probably have to read it again to fully understand it all. But I started reading this book last night and finished it about ten minutes ago, which, reading a book in two nights is like a world record for me.

But anywho, one particular chapter really struck me, really made me view God in a different way. The chapter is entitled She Ran into the Girl's Bathroom. Rob is talking about how one time while he was at a middle school dance, he remembered the stereotypical scene of guys being on one side and girls being on the other side. Then every now and then a boy would get up the courage to walk across the cafeteria (thats where our dances were also held) and ask a girl if she would like to dance. He said that at one point, he too eventually worked up the courage, walked across the 'dance floor' and asked a girl if she wanted to dance. And her response was that she burst into tears and ran into the girls bathroom where she spent the rest of the evening. He took a chance at 'love' and was heartbroken.

We have all been heartbroken havent we? At one point in our lives we have taken the chance to love someone, to get to know them better than friends, only for them to stomp on our hearts, crushing it. And it always seems that the more we love someone, the harder the fall is, the more heartbroken we become.

Love is risky. We step out and take that risk, not knowing what the outcome will be.

Just think of that risk that God took on us. God loved us so much that He gave us the freedom to do whatever we want, even the freedom to love Him, or the freedom not to love Him. And what do we do time and time again? We choose not to love Him. We choose to love money instead. We choose to love food, alcohol, hobbies, sex, shoes, whatever. And this breaks Gods heart. And He loves us more than we have ever loved anybody....ever. So it breaks His heart more than we will ever know. And when do we love Him? When we need Him. When He gives us what we want. How pathetic are we?

Just think of us as being in a relationship with God, he is our girlfriend, or boyfriend, whatever sexual preference you would like. And He just gives and gives and gives. And loves and loves and loves. He loves and adores and cooks us meals and vacuums our floors and asks us how our day was and clips our toenails and lets us watch Ultimate Fighting, because He just can't get enough of us. And all we can do is think about this other person, wishing we could be with this other person. So we break up with Him. That is essentially what we did to Him. We broke up with Him. How do you think this makes Him feel? I guarantee He is frowning....if not bawling His mighty head off.

It says in Genesis 6:6 that God, "regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply wounded." Those are some strong words. But doesnt He have the right to say them?

The reason this really struck me is because it really put God at our level. Usually when I think of God, I think of Him as so distant, so powerful, so impenetrable, maybe even emotionless. Now He has feelings, He grieves, He hurts. Imagine when a boy asks a girl if she would like to dance, who has the power in that situation? The girl does, right? Because she has the power to say yes or no. She has the power to effect how he feels, whether it be thrilled at the sound of a yes, or embarrassed and regretful at the heartwrenching sound of a no. This is astounding to me because that means that God is giving us the power. We have power over God. Now, I know for a fact that God has infinate power, but doesnt this make sense? He is now at our level.

But it breaks my heart to know that we are breaking Gods heart. We are making Him frown. I picture Him sitting on His thrown with a big, sad frown on His face, maybe even a tear rolling down His cheek every once in a while.

The Lower Barn

Well, after talking with Jane in Wisconson, I decided to start posting some of my artwork that I have done. And since I will being doing a ton of work when school starts up, it will be a great opportunity to show off some of the things Im learning.

So this is a drawing of the cabin that we stayed in at Vermont this summer. Im not 100% sure of the history but I know that it currently belongs to John and Lynn Tracy. I know that it used to belong to Lynns father and possibly grandfather? The reason it is called the Lower Barn is because just up the road there is the Upper Barn. Back in the day, they both belonged to the same person, but during hard times he had to sell the Upper Barn, it now belongs to the actress that played the normal cousin on The Munsters. But I drew this picture for John and Lynn as a thank you for letting us stay there for a week. There was artwork all over the cabin, so we framed it and hung it on a bare spot on the wall. Its basically just drawn with charcoal on an 8.5x11" piece of sketching paper, and took me about 2 or 2.5 hours to do. And I know its a crappy, distorted photo but its the best I could do.

Back from Wisconsin

Yep, me and Todd got back to Bremen at about 10:30 last night. The trip back was less then desirable, but managable. We had to make about 4 pit stops because we drank WAY too many liquids, and ran into some horrible traffic in Chicago, we probably lost nearly an hour. But other than that, we were bookin! And listening to Gaffigan...again. Its always a good time when youre listening to Jim Gaffigan though.

The vacation itself was AMAZING. We went to a cabin that Todds grandpa owns on Lake Matonga(sp?). The lake itself was beautiful! The water was crystal clear and just the perfect temperature. The other people there mostly included Todds family, immediate and extended. I cant believe how well I fit in with them, they really accepted me as part of the family. And almost instantly. It was great! I really got along with everyone up there, but mostly his aunt Jane. She was also into art and photography, so it was awesome to see some of her pictures and paintings. It was pretty inspiring. I even taught her a few things on Photoshop, so Im glad I could be of use haha. But it was awesome hanging out with all of them around the campfire every night. We even did mad libs! Those were pretty fun.

But most of the time we were on the lake, either tubing, kneeboarding, conoeing, or paddleboating. Man, tubing really took it out of me, I was dead tired and sore by the end of the day. And that was the first time I had ever kneeboarded. It actually didnt take me very long to catch on. I got the hang of it only on my second attempt. And there is a strap that is supposed to go across your knees to hold you on, but I couldnt get it around my legs, so I was just basically sitting up there, which I guess is pretty good for a beginner. One evening, Todd and I went conoeing and the lake was just beautiful. I cant even describe how awesome it looked, but ill try. The water looked like glass it was so calm, and you could see about 12 feet down because it was so clear, with its tall green plants and some patchy rocks on the bottom. And the sky was perfect with hundreds of different colors and spotty clouds here and there . And you could the "mountains" (they are mountains for Indiana) right along the shore with some fantastic houses. It was pretty awesome.

Yikes!

Well, today I am a little sore. Not nearly as sore as I was last night though. Todd, Trent, and I ended up accomplishing our 50 mile cycling ride last night. It was pretty nuts! We were all pretty much dead after about 40 miles, but we kept on truckin, finally reaching 50. It ended up taking 3 hours and 30 minutes on the dot. We also had to stop more often than usually. I had to stop because my butt and back hurt so much, and Trent was just dead tired. Todd was a machine though, I dont think he complained one time. I think the best part of the night, though, was grilling out afterwards. We grilled some burgers, made some cucumber sandwiches, and drank some Cream Soda and awesome homemade wine. But, man, none of us could walk very well. And stairs were a killer. But luckily, ill get some rest this weekend in Wisconson. Todd and I are hittin the road here in about an hour, so Im basically just waiting for him to come pick me up. So, farewell for a while, be back next week.

Get it Off My Chest

There are a couple of things that I have needed to get off my chest for a while now but couldnt quite come up the words to explain. But Ill give it my best shot.

One thing that has been bugging me lately is that a while ago I was called a hypocrite for being a Christian and going into a strip club. Im still not really sure how to respond to that. I can see where one might think that way, but I dont really feel like a hypocrite. One response I thought of was to flip it. What if there is a stripper who happens to be a nonbeliever, is it hypocritical for her to be in a church? This might be totally out of context, but thats just a thought that popped up.

I just finished a book called Velvet Elvis written by Rob Bell, and in one section of the book he talks about Jesus going to an unexpected place with his disciples. It reads, "One account in the book of Matthew says that Jesus was talking to his disciples at Caesarea Philippi. This is one of those details that is easy to skip, but is significant. Caesarea Philippi was the world center of the goat god, Pan. People came from all over the world to worship this god. There is a cliff with a giant crack in it that the followers of Pan believed was the place where the spirits from hell would come and go from the earth. The crack was called the Gates of Hell. They built a temple for Pan there and then a court next to it where people would engage in sexual acts with goats during the Pan worship festival.
"And Jesus is there with his disciples. As good Jewish boys, they never would have gone to this place before."

I think that that is a hundred times worse than me going to a strip club. That is like taking a church youth group to a donkey show in Mexico. Isnt Jesus awesome though? Just living the journey, doing the unexpected. Going places 'Christians' wouldnt dare go. If you have never read the New Testament in the Bible, read about Jesus before, I would recommend it. Jesus is a pretty fly guy, not what you would expect. He's not what I expected at all.

Now, I know that I talk a lot about God, Jesus, and Christianity, but I just want to let you know that I am not a Bible-beater. Im not trying to be one of those annoying Evangelical Christians and convert the world. I am not trying to make nonbelievers feel like they are living the wrong way or doing things all wrong. I am not one of those Christians that believes that I shouldnt be a part of the world, that I should just hide in my church all the time, and never expose myself to the sin of this world, and never be associated with Non-Christians, and I have to be perfect all of the time, or at least pretend to be perfect. No, Im not like that. Actually, I am kind of the opposite. For the most part, I like nonbelievers more than I like Christians. The name Christianity has such a bad connotation these days. I am a Christian, and I still think this way. When I think of the word Christian, I think of the person that hides in a church, is never exposed to sin, and pretends to be perfect. They are pretending to be this person who has it all together, who never sins, who has life figured out, and who pretends to be happy all the time. I like nonbelievers because they arent pretending to be someone they arent. They are being themselves. (Now, I know that not all Christians and nonbeliever are like that, Im just generalizing here) But isnt that what God wants from us, to be ourselves. He created us as individuals with unique ideas and personalities, why shouldnt we express it? Now I will be the first to admit that as a Christian, I am far from having it all together, I sin just as much as the next person, and I am a little hazy on how life should be lived, and sometimes, Im just not happy. Do you know why? Because I am human, just like you.

I am from the midwest, the largest area of religous people in the country, so we have quite a few churches and most people claim to be Christian. I recently took a trip to Vermont with a few people from my church, not as a missions trip (because really, there was no mission), just to hang out and explore the land of Vermont. Something that struck me was how different the people are out there. I am so used to being in the midwest where everyone dresses the same, has the same hairstyle, drives the same car, ultimately everyone is trying to 'fit in'. So it was shocking when we went to this college town and saw so many different types of people. These people were individuals. I absolutely loved it. They are accepted for who they are out in Vermont. No one gives them a dirty look if they are sporting a mohawk out there. And the people I had met out there were fabulous. They were real. The people that owned the cabin that we were staying in invited us to dinner at thier main home one night, so we got to know them better that night. And I was taken aback when we walked in and Lynn told us that if we wanted something to drink we had to get it ourselves because she wasnt going to wait on us. Im not youre waitress tonight is basically what she said. I thought that was great, its like she instantly accepted us as family or something. She wasnt being mean about it, just honest. She wasnt trying to make herself look like a little perfect stepford wife and wait on us hand and foot, like im used to seeing. And this is just one example of my encounters with the Vermont dwellers.

Week

Its been a good week so far. I made some money, got some good workouts in, successfully made some speghetti tonight. Good times. And I got two offers for the weekend. One offer from Todd to go to Wisconson with him and his family, go to thier cabin or something, Im still not really sure whats going on, but Im sure it will be awesome. And the other offer was from Stacee, a good friend of mine, to work at Ribfest making some ribs. Both were set between thursday through the weekend. Of course, I would have rather taken the job because I could use an extra $300, but it fell through.....just like they always do. They only needed two people to work for them, so Stacee said that her and her boyfriend were going to do it. So, Im going to Wisconson. (Its funny, when Todd first asked if anyone wanted to go, I quickly jumped to the opportunity, but when I got home that night I wondered, "wait, I hope he was serious." Guess so, since Im going now.) Im pretty excited to go, though. I guess we are staying in Chicago one night, then somewhere in Wisconson the rest.

And my speghetti was delicious. I generally never cook, just make Chef Boyardee or grilled cheese, but I needed a real meal tonight.

Sunday

Sundays are great, they are my day when I do absolutely nothing. However, you may be saying to yourself, "But Ben, you do nothing every day, you have no job." Fact. I have no job. But I do all of my activities on one concentrated session, such as working out, biking, or doing small odd jobs. Such as yesterday, I made $40 detailing a motorcycle, making it look brand new. Three hours and some knicked up knuckles later, good as new. But today, I have planned on doing absolutely nothing. Currently Im sitting here watching Titanic....again. Its the only decent thing on TV right now......dont judge me haha. I dont even think I will get dressed today.

So something has been repeating itself over and over in my head since church last night. Yes, we have church on Saturday nights instead of Sunday mornings. I think its great though, stepping out of the norm. But anyways, everytime I go to church, I often space off, as most of us do. But I do mostly get what Jim is saying. But what stuck with me last night was when Jim said, "When we worry about something, it is because we feel that it is out of our control." Its our way of trying to control something. Recently I was applying for yet another student loan for school and they wanted to know how many outstanding loans I had, so I had to check. Thinking I only had about 7 or 8K in loans, which I feel is managable, I was horribly astonished to find out I was $26,000 in debt already. I am horrified! I dont even know what kind of job I am gonna get after college. I dont even know when/if I am going to graduate college! I might even have 3 or 4 years left! I feel so out of control of this situation, and I need to regain that control somehow.

But actually, I dont need to control the situation. I just have to put my faith and trust in God. Where God guides, God provides, right? Im fairly confident that things will work out. When people ask me what kind of job I can get from a fine arts major, I say that I have no idea, but things come up. And I believe that, I believe that things will come up. But then, every single time, the people that ask me that question then look at me as if they are saying in their heads, "this kid is nuts, he doesnt know anything about the 'real world'." Oh man, dont even get me started on the 'real world'. Ill talk about that another time, Ill just say that I dont believe there is any such thing. But anyways, Im just saying that I know that things will be okay in the end, without the help of me. I will only mess things up.

Welcome to the Gun Show

....the shirt that Im wearing says that.

I am so very bored right now. I hate saying that I am bored because I once heard that if you say that youre bored, thats because youre a boring person. And I dont like to be called a boring person......although, Im slowly realizing that I am part of the time a boring person. So I can currently say that I am bored, because right now I am being boring. I really need to get a life....or a job.

So I woke up at about 10am this morning, which is kind of early for me, but I couldnt sleep any longer because I went to bed at midnight. Yes, thats 10 hours of sleep. Probably unhealthy. I wake up in the morning and all I can do is wait until 3 or 4 o' clock to roll around, because thats when I get to go workout! Lately I have been a workout-aholic. This week alone I have been in the wieght room 3 times and have ridden well over 70 miles on my bike. I just cant get enough. And today I will be in the wieght room once more.

I was thinking about why I feel I have to workout so much. Well for me, Im just trying to gain some weight. I am a skinny turd. I came home at the beginning of the summer wieghing around 135lbs. I am 5'11". Thats skinny. But so far this summer I have gained nearly 15lbs. Fifteen pounds of pure muscle haha. But yes, I did cheat. I bought some protien stuff (Wheybolic 60, with 60g of protien in a serving), and some N.O. Xplode, which Im still not sure what its supposed to do, but I know that it makes me feel invincible while pumping iron. I love watching my body change.....well, for the better. I think thats why I have been hitting the wieght so much harder lately. I have started to notice a change, and now Im addicted to it.

At first I thought that I cared too much about how I look, but now I realize that I am just addicted to change. I cant be in the same spot for too long, I will go crazy. Im at home this summer, which killed me at the beginning of the summer, realizing that I have to spend the whole summer in a familiar place. I think that my life revolves around change. I like to change my hairstyles, my clothing choice, the car I drive, my attitude, my body, Ive changed my major a few times, Im addicted to change. But Im not too sure where this is going to get me. Eventually Ill end up in a place where I cant possibly change anymore. What will happen then? Will I go crazy? I think that eventually I will just mature and settle down. But until then, I have to go take some protein.