Sunday

Sundays are great, they are my day when I do absolutely nothing. However, you may be saying to yourself, "But Ben, you do nothing every day, you have no job." Fact. I have no job. But I do all of my activities on one concentrated session, such as working out, biking, or doing small odd jobs. Such as yesterday, I made $40 detailing a motorcycle, making it look brand new. Three hours and some knicked up knuckles later, good as new. But today, I have planned on doing absolutely nothing. Currently Im sitting here watching Titanic....again. Its the only decent thing on TV right now......dont judge me haha. I dont even think I will get dressed today.

So something has been repeating itself over and over in my head since church last night. Yes, we have church on Saturday nights instead of Sunday mornings. I think its great though, stepping out of the norm. But anyways, everytime I go to church, I often space off, as most of us do. But I do mostly get what Jim is saying. But what stuck with me last night was when Jim said, "When we worry about something, it is because we feel that it is out of our control." Its our way of trying to control something. Recently I was applying for yet another student loan for school and they wanted to know how many outstanding loans I had, so I had to check. Thinking I only had about 7 or 8K in loans, which I feel is managable, I was horribly astonished to find out I was $26,000 in debt already. I am horrified! I dont even know what kind of job I am gonna get after college. I dont even know when/if I am going to graduate college! I might even have 3 or 4 years left! I feel so out of control of this situation, and I need to regain that control somehow.

But actually, I dont need to control the situation. I just have to put my faith and trust in God. Where God guides, God provides, right? Im fairly confident that things will work out. When people ask me what kind of job I can get from a fine arts major, I say that I have no idea, but things come up. And I believe that, I believe that things will come up. But then, every single time, the people that ask me that question then look at me as if they are saying in their heads, "this kid is nuts, he doesnt know anything about the 'real world'." Oh man, dont even get me started on the 'real world'. Ill talk about that another time, Ill just say that I dont believe there is any such thing. But anyways, Im just saying that I know that things will be okay in the end, without the help of me. I will only mess things up.